Ted Haggard says he's back from 'wilderness'
Associated Press
Published January 9, 2009 at 4:42 p.m.
Updated January 9, 2009 at 4:42 p.m.
Ted Haggard
Speaking out two years after being embroiled in a gay sex scandal, former evangelical pastor Ted Haggard said Friday his sexual identity is complex and can't be put into "stereotypical boxes," but that his relationship with his wife is stronger than ever.
In an interview with The Associated Press, Haggard did not rule out a return to public life or the pulpit. He spoke before he appeared before TV critics in Los Angeles to promote "The Trials of Ted Haggard," an HBO documentary on Haggard's exile after his confession to "sexual immorality" and fall as a top evangelical leader.
"I am guilty. I am responsible," Haggard, 52, said Friday in a phone interview. "I got off track, and I am deeply sorry and I repent ... I'm moving along in a positive direction."
Haggard resigned as president of the 30 million-member National Association of Evangelicals and was fired from the 14,000-member New Life Church in Colorado Springs, Colo., in November 2006 amid allegations that he paid a male prostitute for sex and used methamphetamine.
In a written apology at the time, Haggard confessed to a long battle against feelings contrary to his beliefs and admitted buying the drugs but said he never used them.
During a guest sermon last November at a friend's church in Illinois, Haggard said a co-worker of his father molested him when he was 7, an experience that "started to produce fruit" later. Clarifying that Friday, Haggard said: "I'm certainly not saying that because of that, I did this. I did what I did by my choice, and I'm responsible for it."
Haggard said he isn't qualified to judge what factors into one's sexuality, but still believes it's "God's perfect plan" for marriage to be between a man and woman.
"I think sexuality is confusing and complex," Haggard said. "I am totally completely satisfied with the relationship with my wife now, but I went through a wandering in the wilderness time, and I just thank God I'm on the other side of that."
Asked whether he could define his sexual identity, Haggard said: "The stereotypical boxes don't work for me. My story's got some gray areas in it. And, of course, I'm sad about that but it's the reality."
At the time the film was shot in 2007, Haggard described still occasionally struggling with same-sex attraction. Asked Friday whether those attractions remain, Haggard did not say definitively but said he was "not anywhere near" where he was at that time.
In the documentary premiering Jan. 29, Haggard is shown shuffling from motel to motel, driving a moving truck, enrolling in a college psychology course, struggling as a door-to-door salesman and pondering his fate while laying in a motel bed in a white undershirt.
"At this stage in my life, I'm a loser — a first-class loser," he says.
Now back living in Colorado Springs, Haggard said Friday he hopes to build his business selling insurance and debt-reduction software and is considering marketing himself through a speakers bureau to share his story — "if the terms were right. I have to earn a living."
"If what I have is helpful to other people, then I want to make that available to them," he said. "If it's not, then I'm perfectly happy building my business."
Haggard also plans to launch a nonprofit group to help the poor and needy, his Web site says. As for a return to pastoring a church, Haggard said: "I have learned enough to know a lot can happen to anybody. And when Jesus is our Lord, we can't plan our path."
The nature of Haggard's return — and his harsh words in the film for his former church — is drawing criticism. Haggard is also is to tape an "Oprah Winfrey Show" appearance next week for an episode scheduled to air this month, a spokesman for the show confirmed Friday.
"If you're going to come out and begin a new life, why would you choose an HBO documentary, then meet with the liberal Hollywood press?" said H.B. London, a former counselor to Haggard and an executive at Focus on the Family in Colorado Springs. "The fact that he's attacking the church or New Life Church, when they did so much to help him and his family, is below the belt."
Haggard lashes out at "the church" in the documentary, which was produced by Alexandra Pelosi, daughter of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. He said "the church has said go to hell" and "the church chose not to forgive me."
Over a 14-month period ending Dec. 31, 2007, New Life Church paid the Haggard family $309,020 in salary and benefits, according to a church document obtained by The Associated Press.
The payout included $152,360 in salary for Ted Haggard, $62,177 in salary for his wife, Gayle, $26,426 for counseling, $11,168 for legal fees and $26,000 to help care for the couple's special-needs son, who is in his early 20s.
Haggard on Friday said his family is grateful for the severance, but he was angry for being forced to leave Colorado Springs as one condition. He also challenged the church's statement that he halted a process meant to restore him, saying he still receives counseling.
The church has since released Haggard from all restrictions, including a prohibition on speaking publicly, and both Haggard and church leadership say relations are positive.
Haggard's successor at New Life, Brady Boyd, wrote in a blog post Friday that "the motives behind every decision" involving the Haggards were pure, and the church was generous in its severance and support. He would not respond to Haggard's specific complaints.
In the AP interview, Haggard credited his therapists, whom he described as Christian believers who used secular therapy methods.
"I just thought a spiritual solution would be the solution to everything that's internal," Haggard said. "That turned out not to be the case."
Of Mike Jones, his accuser, Haggard said: "I know he's gone through a lot. When he said he had to say something, I believe it. And I think that was God encouraging him to do that."
Jones said Friday he considers Haggard a salesman seeking attention for his business.
"I know he's apologized to his church and family, blah, blah," Jones said. "But the people he hurt is the gay community, and he's never apologized to the gay community. He owes that."
Haggard has said his childhood experiences, including same-sex "sex play" with friends when he was in the seventh grade, started to manifest themselves when he turned 50, a few months before the scandal. That conflicts with Jones' statement that Haggard paid him for sex for three years. Haggard on Friday declined to discuss the discrepancy.
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January 9, 2009
4:54 p.m.
justinco writes:
(This comment was removed by the site staff.)
January 9, 2009
4:55 p.m.
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global writes:
who cares - what a loser!
January 9, 2009
4:57 p.m.
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HopiMedicineMan writes:
...and a special needs son.
January 9, 2009
5:20 p.m.
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AC writes:
When will he go back to the wilderness? Haven't we heard this story over and over that he's back? Go away and be gay, fer cryin' out loud, Ted. You're gay, accept it.
January 9, 2009
5:22 p.m.
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cheech24 writes:
His "experience" started to produce fruit. I'd say!
January 9, 2009
5:22 p.m.
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squeakywheel writes:
He's back? Not long enough, go back out until you've conquered your demons, that's the whole point.
January 9, 2009
5:35 p.m.
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ThoughtSausage writes:
RMN- why are you allowing this idiot to still be news. NOBODY CARES!!!!!!!
January 9, 2009
5:36 p.m.
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Vector049 writes:
Cast away your possessions and go to India to dwell amongst the poorest of the poor.
Until then, you're just another slick snake oil salesman from Colorado Springs.
January 9, 2009
5:36 p.m.
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Acemon writes:
Ah, the Christian escape route: confess your sin and magically you're forgiven. Too bad it's not gonna work for Two-Face Ted because even his supporters turned on him like rabid dogs. The only person who hurt Ted was Ted.
January 9, 2009
5:45 p.m.
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HankReardon writes:
Ted just needs a proper shagging. ;)
January 9, 2009
5:45 p.m.
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seeker writes:
I have a feeling that old Ted here really misses the money he made as minister for the New Life Church. I think one can be forgiven but that does not necessarily equate into getting your job back. It seems the church was generous in his severance package and that was very good of them.
Sometimes in life, you just have to move on. A true vocation or calling to preach God's word may lead him to another type of flock. Maybe a lower salary but at least a pulpit. I have a feeling though that he wants more than just a small congregation. He may be hooked on the media attention and money that comes with the mega churches.
January 9, 2009
5:46 p.m.
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global writes:
I thought you could "Pray the Gay Away"
January 9, 2009
5:53 p.m.
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seeker writes:
Good one, Global!!
January 9, 2009
6:21 p.m.
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IronmanCarmichael writes:
Like a man who puts on a hairpiece and pronounces himself no longer bald.
January 9, 2009
6:48 p.m.
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The_Punnisher writes:
Is that a Bible or YOUR WALLET he holds most dear?
You had your chance. You BLEW it....
>8->......
January 9, 2009
7:16 p.m.
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Now_You_Know writes:
I Rush Lameball and the Republicans miss you!
xoxoxo
January 9, 2009
7:32 p.m.
INC writes:
(This comment was removed by the site staff.)
January 9, 2009
9:09 p.m.
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Uno writes:
INC speaks from experience...
January 9, 2009
9:42 p.m.
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k2ken45 writes:
See you really can "pray the gay away". How many sheep will give this guy money or a pulpit?
January 9, 2009
9:42 p.m.
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mytwosense writes:
This is a very complex man. I feel he struggles to be honest, not just with others, but himself, as well. That doesn't mean he's a "snake oil salesman," though. It means he's very troubled.
January 9, 2009
10:20 p.m.
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seeker writes:
He's troubled all right. And he does seem complex. But if it's redemption that he seeks, he should be doing that privately without all of us watching. It's creepy. Redemption is a personal thing. That's what gives it the "snake oil salesman" feel.....being so blantantly public about it. Tacky. He just keeps reminding me what he did. Go redeem yourself in private, Ted.....please.
January 9, 2009
10:23 p.m.
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BigRich writes:
mytwosense-
He may be troubled, but he cares for nobody but himself. By insisting on being in the limelight, he continues to put his family through an ordeal. He is an egotistical piece of garbage who should be ignored. I have no clue why this the A.P. and the editors of this newspaper continue to cover this "story."
January 9, 2009
11:14 p.m.
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INC writes:
Just a little Jealous there, Uno?
Haggard is immersed in the realm of self loathing denial.
January 11, 2009
9:36 a.m.
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Spuds writes:
What he really said;
"The stereotypical boxes don't work for me. My story's got some gay I mean gray areas in it. And, of course, I'm sad about that but it's the reality."
HaHa!
January 11, 2009
10:04 a.m.
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nadom writes:
Before I write anything I must state that I think Haggard is a pervert and do not condon what he did. So is Mike Jones the same. But since the recent election where the same type of individual was elected to be the United States President I was surprised to see so many hypocrits. As soon as Mike Jones made his aligations the press jumped on it like a fly on human waste, making the pervert Mike Jones a hero. As Larry Sinclair another pervert make his aligations against Obama the press swept it under the table trying to make Larry Sinclair a villian, leaving the Pervert Obama as the Hero. Obama got his blow job and crack and enjoyed it. If anyone does not like what I wrote so be it your low life hyprocrit.
January 11, 2009
1:54 p.m.
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localyokal writes:
Why is this pathetic liar news worthy? Who could believe anything this jerk has to say?
January 11, 2009
2:05 p.m.
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AnitaK writes:
I find it interesting how every time the accused are caught, that's when they are, "sorry." The question is, is this a 'true repentance' or a 'I was caught repentance.' I realize we are to forgive all who ask, just like Jesus Chirst forgave us for our sins. However, the question again arises, how sincere is he? Jones said. "But the people he hurt is the gay community, and he's never apologized to the gay community." Well I don't know how Jones came to the conclusion that Ted Haggard hurt the gay community when he also only acted out his chosen homosexual gratification. The Bible comdemns men lying with men and women with women. Therefore the church needs to repent. The Scriptures are found in, Romans 1:25-32, 1 Corinthians 6:9, 1 Timothy 1:10, and in the Old Testament, Leviticus 18:22, Leviticus 20:13, and the story of Sodom and Gomorrah tell about its destruction due to the homosexual activities, in Genesis chapter 19. The church needs to repent.
January 11, 2009
3:30 p.m.
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nadom writes:
Does the church need to repent or members of the church (Ted Haggard). The church did not get its knob polished by Mike Jones.
January 11, 2009
3:38 p.m.
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clandr writes:
The problem he has is addiction to lust. It has nothing to do with psuedo-sexual identity.
January 11, 2009
3:46 p.m.
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DaMama writes:
As a pastor's wife, I understand the fishbowl existance of being in the ministry. Almost every thing you say or do is examined and judged by a great many in your church. It's amazing how many people in our church think our son should become a minister just because his daddy is a minister. It's a hard life and the stress is unlike anyone can imagine unless they are also in the full-time ministry.
Ted needs to get out of the spotlight and continue his healing. He has no business doing some documentary, and especially going on "Oprah". Unfortunately, this man was in the spotlight for many years and has probably grown accustom to the attention that comes with such a position. I thank God that my husband pastors a small church and isn't well known like Haggard. If Ted truly wants to continue to heal his marriage and his walk with the Lord, he needs to be involved in a good discipleship Bible study where he can be held accountable. He needs to gradually work his way back into helping out in a church. Because of his notoriety, he should never be a senior pastor again. He will never have the credibility and integrity needed for that position. However, he could be an excellent marriage counselor or work with those who struggle with homosexuality if that is truly where the Lord is calling him to minister.
He also needs to forgive his church. Ephesians 4:31 says to be "kind and tenderhearted, forgiving others just as in Christ God forgave you". Holding a grudge will only turn to bitterness which will keep him from maturing in his walk with the Lord. When someone like him who is well-known in Christian circles falls with such a thud as he did, many are going to think the worse of him, even if he is repentant. If he truly is repentant and wants to grow in his relationship with Jesus and turn away from his sinful lusts, then God will honor that. People who trusted him may not, and that is their problem and their responsibility to deal with it before God. It's not Haggard's problem and he needs to dump those bitter feelings in the garbage where they belong and concentrate on this own maturity and growth.
Thus endeth the lesson............
January 11, 2009
4:08 p.m.
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Frankvz2 writes:
DaMama:
A well reasoned, well balanced, wise observation from one who has braved the flames. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
January 11, 2009
9 p.m.
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anderson writes:
It's ironic Haggard should mention forgiveness, and how many posters here, maybe 9 out of 10 can hardly control their condemnation of the man (and/or anyone who is gay)--as if they're engaged in uncontrolled vomiting at their existence. I know no one here has ever made any mistakes in life. If they did, well, they must be doomed to eternal damnation like Haggard. I'm re-reading Dante's Divine Comedy as we speak. I can't wait to get to the part about the sex offenders (lust). I'm sure there's also a part about hypocrites.
January 12, 2009
9:55 a.m.
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FlyfishDude52 writes:
Go back to the "wilderness," ted. We, and I think I speak for ALL people around here, don't want any of your bs. So, with no bs, you have absolutely nothing to say...
Get out of your small spotlight and media folks, don't ever write about this pos again, except perhaps his obituary.