Air Force's Lamoureux overcomes depression

Hockey forward living his dream by playing for academy

By Pat Rooney, Special to the Rocky

Published November 28, 2008 at 11:24 p.m.

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Photo by Barry Gutierrez / The Rocky

Air Force forward Jacques Lamoureux realized he needed help for his all-encompassing depression "when I was sleeping with my dad's shotgun and my little brother was sleeping . . . next to my bed."

Start chatting up some of the guys on the Air Force hockey team about Jacques Lamoureux, and many of the accolades typical of a team leader quickly fill the air.

Lamoureux, according to consensus, is a rink rat, one of those guys who is the first one on the ice and the last one off. The sophomore center is a bona fide "throwback, old-time hockey player," Falcons coach Frank Serratore said, equally adept at delivering big hits and jumping back up from them.

And, most important, Lamoureux is perhaps the most unselfish person in a program based on acquiring young men of reputable character.

So it hardly is a surprise to learn that when Lamoureux was at his lowest point, when it seemed as if nothing could relieve the pain except a more forceful squeeze on the shotgun he was curled beside, Lamoureux's wake-up call did not occur due to any surrender to his own misery. It happened because his depression was putting someone else he cared for in jeopardy.

Lamoureux, then a teenager battling a depressive state that seemed all-encompassing, did not want his misery to bring harm to his brother sleeping beside him.

"When it got to the point where I recognized myself that I needed help was when I was sleeping with my dad's shotgun and my little brother was sleeping on the mattress next to my bed," Lamoureux said. "And he didn't even know. It got to a point where I woke up that night and told my mom I'm not doing well. I didn't tell her about the gun. Obviously, I put it back. I just told her I didn't know what was going to happen if I didn't get help. I was trying to make little cries for help, but I don't think they were being taken as serious as they should have been. I just said I needed to get help, or something might happen."

Lamoureux got help, setting off a journey through depression that would involve heartache, recovery, dedication and frustration before finally landing at the academy, where he has blossomed into one of the top scorers on the hottest team in college hockey.

Dark days

Teenage depression often is not identified until it is too late, after a child hurts himself, or worse.

Lamoureux was aware enough to reach out when he needed help, an act of admission made easier by the support he knew he had within his family.

Raised in Grand Forks, N.D., Lamoureux grew up in a hockey household. His father, Pierre, was a goalie at North Dakota, as was his older brother, Jean-Philippe, who started for the Fighting Sioux in the Frozen Four at the Pepsi Center in April.

Feeling the pressure of following in the footsteps of his father and brother, while also enduring a painful breakup, Lamoureux finally confided in his mother about the full extent of his depression.

After an immediate trip to the emergency room, Lamoureux was paired with a psychologist and prescribed antidepressants.

"I work hard, and I think that's a trait all the kids in my family have. We want to be the best," Lamoureux said. "That hockey season, I believe it was the second year my brother was playing juniors, and I wanted to play juniors like he was doing, so I put a lot of pressure on myself to play well and be recognized. I think that kind of snowballed.

"You see that a lot with teenagers today. . . . They break up with people and they think their world is coming down. I think that happened with me, and it spiraled out of control before I could get a handle on it."

Lamoureux, though, attacked his situation with the same zeal he would use leading an odd-man rush, remaining dutiful in his appointments with his therapist while gradually weaning himself from medication.

He returned to hockey, finishing his three-year career with Bismarck of the North American Hockey League by recording 70 points in 54 games during his final season in 2005-06.

It was during this time in Bismarck that Lamoureux discovered another outlet for his demons. For a composition assignment, Lamoureux recounted a small portion of his tale.

Encouraged by his teacher as well as a psychology instructor, Lamoureux began speaking to classes at his school about what he had endured and how they too could get help if they ever fell into such dire straits.

After his story was published in several local news outlets, a representative from Yellow Ribbon, a national organization dedicated to preventing suicide, helped arrange for Lamoureux to speak at several schools in Pennsylvania.

Lamoureux's demands at the academy have not allowed him to schedule similar speaking engagements around Colorado Springs, but he said he would welcome the opportunity.

"The responses that I got and my teacher got helped a lot of people into the process of getting help," La- moureux said. "There are a lot of kids that have the same type of problems, but you don't know about it because it's not talked about. If it helps one person, then I'm doing my job."

The long road

His hockey and academic careers back on track, Lamoureux set his sights on college - specifically, Air Force.

Lamoureux had the academic credentials, the requisite temperament and self-motivation and the hockey skills necessary to thrive at Air Force. Serratore, who has many ties in North Dakota, recruited Lamoureux heavily and believed he had another top-flight forward lined up for his ascendant program.

Yet while Lamoureux more than fulfilled academic and athletic requirements, his depression, combined with the medication he had been prescribed years earlier, came back to haunt him. The academy failed to clear Lamoureux medically, denying his admission.

Suddenly a player without a school, Lamoureux landed at Northern Michigan after an appeal by Serratore to his good friend, Wildcats coach Walt Kyle.

"It was very discouraging, because here was a kid that really wanted to be here," Serratore said. "There are very few kids that are high-level players whose legit first choice is Air Force and Army. When he was denied, I felt horrible for him. To tell him it's not going to work, it was horrible."

Lamoureux registered one goal and one assist in 16 games with Northern Michigan during the 2006-07 season. But the place never felt like home.

While watching the NCAA tournament in spring 2007, Lamoureux saw the Falcons, in their first tournament appearance, nearly upset top-seeded Minnesota in the West Regional at the Pepsi Center.

Lamoureux couldn't help thinking he should have been on that team.

He asked Kyle for permission to look into Air Force once again before calling Serratore to see if strings could be pulled.

Initially, Serratore was skeptical, believing Lamoureux's ship had sailed. But Serratore was thrilled to learn some policies had changed and, given that Lamoureux had been off medication for years and had excelled academically at Northern Michigan, a window of opportunity was open.

Lamoureux eventually was accepted, spending last season getting acclimated to the academy while taking a redshirt season because of NCAA transfer rules.

"I hoped they would think that I was over the depression now that it had been four or five years," Lamoureux said. "I did well in school, did well in hockey. I figured I'd give it another shot and, hopefully, they'd let me in this time. Thankfully, they did."

Flying start

Lamoureux's season on the sideline did little to erode his skills.

With the 11th-ranked Falcons taking a shot at their more established Front Range rivals - they hosted Colorado College on Friday and visit the University of Denver tonight - La- moureux will be at the forefront of AFA's quest for greater footing on the college hockey landscape.

Lamoureux and linemate Brent Olson entered the weekend tied for the national lead in points, with 21, and Lamoureux's 11 goals were the third- best total in college hockey.

"We talked, especially at the beginning of the season, about being able to get him and what an addition he would be to our team," Olson said. "Jacques just brings an element of size and grit and tenacity. He's not afraid to go into corners and do battle.

"We knew he would be a great addition to our team, but I don't think anyone thought in their wildest dreams that he would be doing the things that he's done and contributing like he has been. He's worked hard and pushed himself and put himself in the position he's in."

Lamoureux stormed out of the gate, posting multiple points in the first six games before hitting a three-game lull that ended with a two-assist effort during a sweep of Sacred Heart last week.

Chances are, Lamoureux, like all hockey players, will hit another scoring drought at some point this season. But after surviving the trials that brought him to this time and place, he never will feel so despondent and lost regarding something as simple as a disappointing game.

"You always hear, 'Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger,' " La- moureux said. "I've read a lot of books on different players' approaches to the game, and it's the hardships you go through playing hockey that make you a better player. It's the same thing in your personal life. When you go through tough times, it's going to make you stronger mentally and make you more prepared for things that come up down the road."

• November 29, 2008

  9:08 a.m.

  Suggest removal

  BlueCarp writes:

  If you need help with depression, please seek it. You are not alone. If you know someone you think might need help with depression, talk to that person. Let them know you care and want to help if you can.

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