PENNY: Avoid verbal pitfalls and make turkey day sweeter for everyone

By Penny Parker, Rocky Mountain News (Contact)

Published November 27, 2008 at 12:05 a.m.
Updated November 27, 2008 at 4:43 a.m.

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Denver author Debra Fine will avoid the conversational land mines that may descend on other dinner tables today. How? Her out-of-town relatives come to her home only every other year.

"I don't think we will be (in trouble) because my dad won't be here," said the author of The Fine Art of Small Talk and The Fine Art of the Big Talk. "Last year, he asked my daughter, 'So, have you gotten your grades up yet?' So inappropriate."

Instead, Fine will share her tips for avoiding verbal pitfalls with millions of viewers on the Today Show (beginning at 7 a.m. today on 9News). After she returns to Denver around 1 this afternoon, her husband, children and stepchildren will gather around the turkey for what she hopes will be pleasant and positive conversation.

Here are some statements to avoid while talking over turkey, according to Fine's finest advice:

* "Why'd you wear that?" (None of your business.)

* "Are you two ever going to get married?" (See answer above.)

* "No, thanks. I gave up drinking after I saw the toll it took on you." (Ouch! Please pass the pinot.)

* "I heard Sarah got into Northwestern. Why in the world is she going to Michigan State instead?" (Can you spell stock market? Got a problem with the Spartans?)

* "I knew your candidate did not stand a chance; what do you have to say for yourself now?" (Refer back to answer No. 1.)

* "Did you cook this yourself, or did you just thaw it out?" (Next year, Thanksgiving dinner at your house. Please e-mail me your recipes ahead of time.)

Instead of drumming each other over the head with a drumstick, Fine suggests we all play nice.

"Ask yourself (before you open your piehole), is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?" Fine said Wednesday before boarding a plane to New York City. "That's the message - and be overly sensitive because of the economy, which causes enough stress."

CAMBYMAN STILL CAN: Just because former Nuggets star Marcus Camby was traded to Los Angeles doesn't mean he's ditched Denver. Camby and his Cambyland Foundation will once again foot the bill for the annual Thanksgiving meal that will be served to more than 1,200 homeless people and low-income seniors from 10 a.m. 'till noon today at Jackson's Sports Rock, 1520 20th St.

Arc Thrift also will provide free warm clothing.

The holiday meal will include 600 pounds of turkey, 285 pounds of stuffing, 225 pies and 100 gallons of coffee donated by Starbucks.

MORE HELPING HANDS: Gov. Bill Ritter, first lady Jeanne Ritter and family members will man the food scoops and soft-drink pitchers to help feed the residents of the Samaritan House Shelter, 2301 Lawrence St., from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. today. The Ritters will pitch in alongside employees from Starwood Hotels, Councilman Charlie Brown, KOA radio's Lou From Littleton, Visit Denver's Jayne Buck and the On the Town twosome.

THE SEEN: Actor Bill Pullman (Independence Day, A League of Their Own), who was honored last week with the John Cassavetes Award at the 2008 Starz Denver Film Festival, dining at Capital Grille on Saturday.

EAVESDROPPING on anyone: "Let's give thanks for what we've got (or got left) this year."

Penny Parker's column appears Tuesday through Saturday. Listen to her on the Caplis and Silverman radio show between 4 and 5 p.m. Fridays on KHOW-AM (630). Call her at 303-954-5224 or e-mail parkerp@RockyMountainNews.com.

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