There will be ink!

Jane Dickinson, Special to the Rocky

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Crime-fiction writers and their fans will gather in Denver for a long weekend of murder and mayhem at the annual Left Coast Crime convention. More than 400 mystery lovers will attend the event, as well as 150 authors, taking part in discussions, forensics workshops and a surveillance exercise in which fans will get to shadow mystery writers around downtown Denver.

Left Coast Crime, held in a different city each year, was started in 1991 to give writers and readers from the Mountain time zone west to Hawaii a chance to connect. Smaller than the Bouchercon or Malice Domestic conventions, it has a casual atmosphere that makes it easy for fans to meet their favorite authors, with less publishing business taking place.

-Stories byJane Dickinson

"You Cougar/Me Rabbit" will teach you surveillance, including an exercise in which teams of fans will try to track mystery authors around downtown (2:30 p.m. Friday).

Ghosts, Mayhem and Old-Time Murder on the LCC Party Bus

The writers will take a prison bus tour of many of Denver's well- known crime scenes, tequila included! Who knows what bloody fun will ensue?

The Shining and the Gray Lady

It's a field trip to Estes Park to see the Stanley Hotel, inspiration for The Shining by Stephen King. (9 a.m. to 3:30 p.m., March 10)

Beyond CSI: Get the Facts

Sleuth out a collection of panels and presentations covering modern forensics information and procedure. (Friday and Saturday)

Alferd E. Packer Banquet

The tasty event in the Adam's Mark Hotel Ballroom has a cannibal theme, so get your thighbones ready to party. (5:30 p.m., March 8)

Left Coast Crime

* What: Crime fiction convention for fans of mysteries and thrillers

* When: Thursday-March 9

* Cost: Walk-in registration is $50 a day Thursday and March 9 (half-days); $75 a day for Friday, Saturday

* Schedule, information: leftcoastcrime.org/2008/

Kill 'Em

Mystery author Parnell Hall will be performing his latest work, The Ballad of Alferd Packer, at the Saturday banquet. Those lyrics are top-secret, so Hall offered an excerpt from his ballad Kill 'Em, which he has performed previously. Asked what tune he will be using for the song, Hall replied: "Clearly, you've never heard me sing."

If you want to write a mystery

Be it hard-boiled or a cozy

About a young man with a gun

Or an old woman that's nosy

You gotta kill somebody

You just have to, and that's

Whether your hero is some macho dick

Or a little old lady with cats

You've got to

Grab 'em, nab 'em

Slash 'em, stab 'em

Take 'em to the morgue and slab 'em.

Strangle 'em and mangle 'em

And hit 'em on the head.

Oh no, you say, I couldn't do that

I wouldn't hurt a fly

But if you want to write a mystery

Someone had better die.

And if you want the book to sell

You better make it gruesome.

If there isn't that much blood

You'd better kill a twosome.

The Top 10 . . .

Reasons why you should attend Left Coast Crime:

10 Mystery writers in hula skirts and coconut bras at the Hawaiian Runway Costume Contest before the Alferd E. Packer Banquet.

9 Authors sign your favorite mystery novels after panel discussions.

8 Discover the difference between hard-boiled, soft-boiled and noir crime fiction.

7 Learn how to outline your novel in an hour.

6 The banquet's Alferd Packer theme provides a chance to practice your cannibal jokes before the upcoming Democratic National Convention (Packer reportedly ate three-fourths of the Democrats in Hinsdale County).

5 Drink martinis (shaken, not stirred) with crime writers and other fans on Friday and Saturday night.

4 Know what a cozy is? You'll learn.

3 Get clued in to where the phrase "disappeared into thin air" came from.

2 Experience why it's hard to write funny mysteries (not to mention funny top 10 lists).

And the No. 1 Reason

to Attend Left Coast Crime: Learn how many mystery writers it takes to screw in a light bulb. (Two: one to screw it almost all the way in, the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.)

There's more

Left Coast Crime isn't the only literary gathering in the city this year. Also consider:

* What: Denvention3, the 66th World Science Fiction Convention

* When, where: Aug. 6-10, Colorado Convention Center

* Why go: Events don't get much bigger than this in the world of science fiction writing. Thousands of readers and hundreds of authors mingle at panels, readings and other events. Attendees vote on the Hugo Awards, one of the top prizes in science fiction writing, which are announced at the convention.

* Information: denvention3.org

* What: Mile Hi Con, which claims to be the largest science fiction literary convention in the Rocky Mountain region, is now in its 40th year.

* When, where: Oct. 24-26, Hyatt Regency Denver Tech Center, 7800 E. Tufts Ave.

* Why go: This well-run event focusing on science fiction, fantasy and horror attracts about 1,000 fans annually. This year's edition is expected to attract more than 80 authors. Guests of honor will be Tim Powers, Jim Butcher (Dresden Files) and Patricia Briggs.

* Information: milehicon.org