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LITTWIN: What a way to kick off first day in the House

By Mike Littwin, Rocky Mountain News (Contact)

Published January 15, 2008 at 12:30 a.m.

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I knew this would happen. It's my day off. I'm fighting a cold. So I slept in.

And so, all I know about the Infamous Kneecapping Incident is what I read in the papers, what I saw on the video and what I can conjure up in my fevered imagination.

What I know is that I can't forgive myself for missing the spectacle of the year - I know it's only January, but you can stop the voting now - when Doug Bruce, that kick-fightin' man, decided to kick a Rocky photographer during, yes, the morning House prayer.

He kicked Javier Manzano, he said, because Manzano needed a lesson in "manners and decorum." I'm serious. Let's try to break down the logic: A grown man thinks it's a good idea to kick another grown man, during a prayer, in order to help him understand the importance of manners and decorum.

And then - as a capper to our kneecapping - Bruce, the newly sworn-in (and that's another story) state representative from Colorado Springs, insisted that the kickee owed him an apology for taking his photo during the prayer. The funny thing is, Bruce might possibly be the first Colorado Springs politician who didn't want to be photographed praying.

Let us pause and reflect, or just catch our breaths, because, believe me, this is some breathtaking post-assault logic at work here. I don't know what Bruce was thinking during his prayer - maybe that the offending photographers were trying to steal his soul - but, if it's me, I'm praying for the wisdom to understand how the El Paso County vacancy committee could possibly have appointed Doug Bruce to any responsible position.

What I mean is, if you're on that committee - and I wouldn't admit it either - you might want to search the Bible and look for the quotation that's not quite there, but apparently one that Bruce lives by: Spare the shoe leather and spoil the photojournalist.

And while you're at it, you might also want to ask yourself when was the last time you had kicked anyone with serious intent, and why it seems like it must have been in the fourth grade, like the time Mike Thomas stole my Duke Snider baseball card and I not only kicked him, I punched him and there were accusations - never proven, I might add - of attempted biting.

Of course, when you kick in the fourth grade, you can expect punishment. You can expect, say, for the teacher to make you write "I Will Not Kick" 100 times on the blackboard. If House Minority Leader Mike May - who called Bruce's actions "atrocious" and who apologized to Manzano - wants to make Bruce write something on the blackboard, I've got a suggestion for him: "I Will Never Again Kick Anyone While Shooting Myself in the Foot at the Same Time."

It was, of course, a sure bet that Bruce would become a laughingstock as a state representative, but nobody could have guessed that he could have gotten to this point with such alacrity and speed, if not with manners or decorum. He made himself a laughingstock even before he was sworn in, meaning nobody wins the pool. What we expected Bruce to do with his foot was to put it in his mouth, not aim it at someone's knee. The good news - for Manzano anyway - is that just because Bruce was trying to make a clown of himself, it didn't mean he had to wear those giant clown shoes.

In any case, it was quite a way to kick off his time in office. I mean, if you wanted a kicker, why not just appoint Jason Elam for the job? Or, for that matter, why not Chuck Norris?

I'm sure you know how this whole thing began. Bruce gets appointed to take Bill Cadman's seat in the House. Cadman had gone to the Senate, and the vacancy committee, for reasons that are beyond human ability to understand, appointed Bruce to the seat.

Bruce - once famous for having put TABOR on the ballot and famous since for consistently making himself disagreeable - wasted no time rushing to the spotlight. And then tripping.

He figured out that he could finesse the term limits rules by not joining the House until after it went in session. This may prove to be a moot point, but nevertheless, it was quite a start. But he didn't stop there, of course. He then insisted that House Speaker Andrew Romanoff swear him in during a House session, when custom dictates that appointed House members get a private ceremony.

Then Bruce sets up a showdown with Romanoff, the kind of showdown well known on school playgrounds. He said he would have himself invited as a guest of the House each day and wait Romanoff out. Romanoff didn't back down. For the record, he didn't back down and also didn't kick, spit, scratch or chew gum during class.

And did Bruce back down?

Of course he did. It's what bullies do.

He backed down because the House Republicans caucused and voted 22-1 to recommend to the committee that appointed Bruce that they appoint someone else - as in, anyone else - if he refused to get sworn in. He took the oath, according to reports, at 1:34 p.m.

And my guess is that if you're part of the Republican leadership in this state - where Republicans have lost control of both houses and the governor's office - that that was not the only swearing of the day.

littwinm@RockyMountainNews.com

Comments

  • January 15, 2008

    7:55 a.m.

    Suggest removal

    Spencer writes:

    well at least he will be entertaining. He should provide Mike with a lot of fodder for his columns.

  • January 15, 2008

    10:02 a.m.

    Suggest removal

    Jeff writes:

    Ha, ha, this column has some zingers. The "nobody wins the pool" line made me laugh.

  • January 15, 2008

    1:49 p.m.

    Suggest removal

    westforkforge writes:

    The public at large needs to realize the difference between a college educated photojournalist who works with a code of ethics while on assignment and the common paparazzi who give photojournalists a bad name. To confuse the two as one in the same is an insult to a proud profession of professionals. The photographers at the Rocky are award winning artists who provide the reading public with the best immages one can expect which compliment the articles, and then there are the photos that are simply interesting or beautiful. It is beyond comprehension that anyone who intentionally try to harm a photographer or reporter simply doing their job!

  • January 15, 2008

    2:32 p.m.

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    Lowtaxequalsfreedom writes:

    Lets just throw Bruce out before he even get't started. Then their will be one less freedom fighter at the Capitol stopping the polticians from stealing even more of our hard eanrned money.

    Does the Rocky care to post a picture of the injury on this guys leg?

  • January 15, 2008

    11:14 p.m.

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    colopolgirl writes:

    Mike is right on. The last time I kicked someone to "teach them a lesson" was when I played soccer in high school. I distinctly recall sitting out a few games as a result.

    It's people like Doug Bruce that can sometimes make it hard to defend being Republican. 99% of all Republicans would NEVER BEHAVE in such a way (and neither would the Democrats, I know) and are embararrased to call him one of our own.

    And the loophole he manages to slip through so he can grace the House with his prescence for even longer than necessary...love it.

    I loved the one liners...I'm a staunch Republican...but I am most definitely on your side (Mike).

  • January 16, 2008

    7:28 a.m.

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    LS writes:

    Even though you claim you never bit Mike Thomas in the fourth grade, the column here certainly has your teeth in it. Funny stuff.

  • January 16, 2008

    8:55 a.m.

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    jcmetcalf writes:

    Surely there are people the age of Mr. Bruce, and plenty of them, who equally embody the persona of a two year old. Temper tantrums and all. But for now, Mr. Bruce is at the top of my list of adult practitioners of the art of being a two year old. No wonder the good folks in Colorado Springs wanted to get his antics out of town.

  • January 16, 2008

    11:44 a.m.

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    El_Mariachi writes:

    ...Don't the Broncos have an opening for a punter???...Todd Sauerbrun is gone!!!

  • January 17, 2008

    2:36 p.m.

    Suggest removal

    rickg19611 writes:

    Yawn... one more boring article about an event that no one with an IQ above 12 cares about. Which explains the never ending fixation that the media has on it.