ROSEN: Congressional Motors
By Mike Rosen, Rocky Mountain News (Contact)
Published December 19, 2008 at 12:05 a.m.
It may take a while to get there. But after two or three extensions and expansions of future loans to the Big Three automakers, Democrats in Congress and the Obama administration will be so financially and politically invested in Detroit's survival that they'll be addicted to throwing (the taxpayers') good money after bad.
I got suspicious the moment they proposed a government-appointed "auto czar" to run the industry. What an eerie reminder of the former Soviet Union and its fondness for government control of the economy, five-year plans and generic Volga automobiles. You'd think Democrats would be more comfortable calling the head guy the "autocrat."
Americans can find humor in almost any disaster, even the nationalization of our auto industry. Currently circulating on the Internet are several versions of a satirical ad by the soon-to-be Congressional Motors (not GM but CM). I've taken the liberty of editing and revising it:
"It's in the way you dress; the way you sign your unemployment check. You're a man who likes to do things your own way. And on those special Saturdays (when driving is permitted), you want it in your car. That enervating feeling of a zero-emissions wind at your back. The kind of feeling you get behind the wheel of the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition from Congressional Motors.
"All new for 2012, the Pelosi is the mandatory American car, so advanced it took $500 billion and an entire Congress to design it. We started with the same, reliable seven-way hybrid ethanol, biodeisel, electric, clean-coal, wind, solar, pedal-power plant from the base-model Pelosi and packed it with extra oomph and the sassy styling pizazz that tells the world that 1974 Detroit is back again - with a vengeance.
"We've subsidized the features you want and taxed away the rest. With its advanced Al Gore-designed V-3 under the hood, the Pelosi Sport Edition pumps out a full 15 pony-power of Detroit muscle. You'll never be late for the disco or the day labor shelter. Engage the pedal drive or strap on the optional jumbo mizzenmast, and the new Pelosi easily beats 2016 CAFE mileage standards. At an estimated 68 MPG, that's a savings of nearly $1.50 per month in fuel costs over the 2011 Pelosi.
"Even with increased performance, we didn't skimp on safety. With 11-point passenger racing harnesses, 15-way airbags and mandatory hockey helmet, you'll have the security of knowing you could survive a hypothetical 45 mph collision, if the Pelosi were capable of reaching that illegal speed.
"But the changes don't stop there. Sporty mag-style aluminum-foil hubcaps and an all-new aggressive wedge shape, designed by CM's chief stylist, Harry Reid, slices through the wind like an omnibus spending bill.
"A special high-capacity hatchback holds up to 300 aluminum cans, meaning fewer trips to the recycling center. And the standard one-speaker Fairness Doctrine FM radio features all-NPR-all-the-time politically correct news when you insert your government-issued instant tax-credit card.
"Best of all, the Pelosi is made right here in the USA by unionized workers spared the inconvenience of secret-ballot elections, guided by visionary long-time Detroit managers and directed by the government-appointed 'autocrat.'
"And don't let the starting MSRP of $62,999.99 scare you. It's more affordable than you might think, after rebates, tax credits and wealth redistribution programs for dozens of qualifying special-interest and victim groups. Plus, there's a no-consequence, automatic default financing plan from Fannie Mae.
"So take the bus to your local CM dealer, today, and find out why the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition is the only car endorsed by President Barack Obama. One test drive will convince you that you'd choose it over the import brands - if they were still legal."
Mike Rosen's radio show airs weekdays from 9 a.m. to noon on 850 KOA. He can be reached by e-mail at mikerosen@850koa.com.
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December 19, 2008
3:16 a.m.
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TimeLord writes:
Wow, just when you think Rosen's wit couldn't get any duller...
December 19, 2008
6:39 a.m.
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Mike_In_Hartsel writes:
He left out "Easy credit financing throught FreddiMac".
December 19, 2008
6:40 a.m.
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dilligaf writes:
Mike have you been paying attention. Your great GOP has been just as involved in this deal. Your buddy Bush is the one that will take this out of the hands of congress and give them tarp money. I can not believe the RMN allows such a stupid person write for its paper.
December 19, 2008
7:04 a.m.
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GK writes:
Rosen has an agenda and that is to push conservatism even if it means blatantly spinning and leaving out facts as he so pointedly does here.
December 19, 2008
7:12 a.m.
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bluejacket writes:
While you're all pointing and laughing at Republican broken promises, let's see now if Barrack Obama stops the war on January 21st.
December 19, 2008
7:47 a.m.
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SheikYurBooty writes:
CM??? How about "Bush Motors?" - The 2010 Bush Mobile - aka the "Push Mobile" - it'll "take" you as far as you want, as long as you keep pushin'.
If this works out like Bush's other business ventures, like Arbusto Oil etc, (mottos: putting the "bust" in Arbusto, or, We Are Busto) then we are truly screwed.
December 19, 2008
7:54 a.m.
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Spencer writes:
they actually pay Rosie for this tripe? RMN deserves to go out of business
December 19, 2008
8:28 a.m.
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Jack_Bauer writes:
I see by the left wing commentary on this that you are offended by conservative satire, no matter how close or far from the truth it may actually be. I guess it is only funny if it is written by a liberal.
What a bunch of hypocrites
December 19, 2008
8:28 a.m.
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dilligaf writes:
bluejacket
He never claimed to end the war in one day. But your just showing the stupidity of the neocons. So your excused.
December 19, 2008
8:31 a.m.
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ollie writes:
Rosen gets dopier with every article.
December 19, 2008
8:38 a.m.
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CL writes:
"I got suspicious the moment they proposed a government-appointed "auto czar" to run the industry. What an eerie reminder of the former Soviet Union..."
Ummm - this is actually a very poor comparison. There weren't any czars in the former Soviet Union - they executed the last one, Nicholas, and his family.
December 19, 2008
8:39 a.m.
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chaka419 writes:
The only reason the liberals posting are attacking Mike's humor is becuae they don't see it as humor. They are actually excited and looking online for pre-ordering of the Pelosi GTxi SS/Rt Sport Edition!!!!!!!!!
December 19, 2008
8:45 a.m.
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bluejacket writes:
dilgaf, a poor excuse is better than none. So you're excused. See OHB's campaign promises, promises, promises, jumbo shrimp, liberal integrity, wait, I need to vomit.
December 19, 2008
8:46 a.m.
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redpoppie writes:
I see by the left wing commentary on this that you are offended by conservative satire, no matter how close or far from the truth it may actually be. I guess it is only funny if it is written by a liberal.
What a bunch of hypocrites
December 19, 2008
8:53 a.m.
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pak writes:
Car commissar is more correct. I'm stuck on the concept of a V3!
December 19, 2008
8:59 a.m.
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bluejacket writes:
Wow! Redpoppie gets it. Thank-you!
Apparently the libtards don't.
December 19, 2008
9:28 a.m.
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Spencer writes:
I'm offended because a columnists basically does a cut and paste from the work of others and he gets paid for it!! RMN deserves to go out of business
December 19, 2008
10:42 a.m.
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Cwillyrun1 writes:
Hey dilligaf, let's talk about the bank bailout. The one with the $700 billion+ price tag. Most Democrats voted to pass it while Republicans were split. You can thank YOUR party for that one!
Why do Democrats care so much about bailing out a failing Detroit? It's the unions! All those votes, and unions are probably the biggest special interest of all.
December 19, 2008
11:12 a.m.
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bluejacket writes:
It looks like dilligaf just went to ground.
December 19, 2008
11:26 a.m.
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bluejacket writes:
Cwillyrun1
I can match you and raise you one.
Looking back at Bill Clinton's jlow bob in the White House, the leftists' whine was, it's just sex, it's personal, no-ones business, moveon.org, blah, blah, blad, ad-nauseam.
2008: The libtards: Sarah Palins' unmarried daughter is pregnant! I'm offended! She shouldn't be doing that on gov't time, wait, strike that last one, and maybe the doing someone she's not married too either.
Or maybe you libtards should just get your own blog and B.S. each other and stay off our blog you big dopes.
December 19, 2008
2:01 p.m.
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peterpi writes:
My word! Um, Mike, it was Congress that failed to pas it. It's President Bush that's pushing it.
Republican logic: A private investor puts money in a company, and expects a return on his/her investment: Capitalism at work. The government is asked to put money in a company, and the government expects a return on its investment: Socialistic Stalinist economics.
There's logic there somewhere.
I tried to do a Google search on the term "car czar". It appears to be a media term -- not originated by members of Congress, although they may have picked it up after the media coined it. Don't people remember the term "energy cazr"? It's the media that has a fixation with Russian nobility. And what is so horrible about appointing a person to make sure Detroit is accountable? As has been pointed out, the were no czars under Soviet Communism. But that won't stop Mike Rosen.
Old-fashioned capitalism: Companies are responsible to their investors.
New-fashioned capitalism: Banks and car companies are not responsible to their government investors. Why that's socialism!
December 19, 2008
2:03 p.m.
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peterpi writes:
Let me re-phrase my last sentence "To expect otherwise, why that's socialism!"
December 19, 2008
2:03 p.m.
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mmannino writes:
Rosen forgot the role of the Sierra Club and other greens in the design. The car can be purchased in one color (green). Decals are mandatory for the preservation of obscure critters (brake for all creatures), abolition of CO2 (no farting or hyperventilating), union might (hammer and sickle symbol), and power to the renewables (happy sun with wind blowing through its hair), death to coal, oil, and nuclear power (grim reaper next to coal, oil, and nuclear symbols).
I am surprised that the left has not applauded Bush's announcement today. He approved the same deal that the Democrats in Congress wanted.
December 19, 2008
2:19 p.m.
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Spivis writes:
dilligaf
Does the improper use of "your" instead of "you're" qualify as stupidity?
December 19, 2008
2:54 p.m.
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Jonjonmon writes:
With all due respect, you can't blame the Obama Administration for this one, which is exactly what Obama wanted. A few weeks ago reporters asked Obama advisors why Obama doesn't want to get involved. His advisors said that, number one, he doesn't have authority to do anything. Number two, he doesn't want to take responsiblity of it.
I sure hope Obamas opinion of Bush changes now. Bush just "saved" thousands of jobs.
December 19, 2008
3:17 p.m.
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Spivis writes:
CL
Thanks for the Russian history lesson but let me see if I can help you understand Rosen's comments so you are able to stay focused on point:
In early America an Indian Chief was the head of a tribe...i.e. top-dog. Today the word "chief" has a different use in so much of our language: Chief of Police, Chief Executive Officer, etc. During the communists' rule of the Soviet Union we Americans frequently referred to the top-dog commies that headed up all facets of Russian lives as "czars".
To your likely annoyance, I doubt if a knowledgeable Russian gets hung-up on the word "chief" and thinks of American Indians when he hears the title "U.S. Commander In Chief". Nonetheless, it is perfectly okay if you get your jollies by nit-picking Rosen's use of words so long as you have an appreciation for the historical fact that centralized control of an economy, whether headed up by a "czar" or by a "chief", DOES NOT WORK!!!
December 19, 2008
3:17 p.m.
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jay writes:
shame on conservatives for whining for being forced to take some accountability for their own mess.
i guess they all the quagmires on to the next guy...but it's close.
December 19, 2008
4:32 p.m.
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JCRiggle writes:
Jay,
How are failing American auto companies conservatives' fault?
Did you happen to see that the top two best selling cars in America this year are American trucks and there are 4 American brands in the top ten. They seem to be selling their fair share of cars. Hmmmmmm. Must be those pesky union contracts that inflate their darn costs.
http://autos.yahoo.com/articles/autos...
December 19, 2008
5:03 p.m.
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CL writes:
Spivis - that's one of the lamest responses I've seen. Care to show us where Stalin was commonly referred to as Czar Stalin????
December 19, 2008
5:03 p.m.
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bluejacket writes:
Is the libtard definition of taking accountability hiring a team a lawyers to avoid having to meet a $12 requirement for a position?
I guess some take accountability and whine about it, while other little piggies take none and give everyone the finger.
No shame, no embarrasment for the Democrats. Would you like to buy a senate seat...I mean a vowel?
2008 election was between the turd sandwich and the giant duchebag. Looks like the giant duchebag won.
Happy celebrating on January 20th, you may even get some "holy water" sprayed on you.
December 19, 2008
8:28 p.m.
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Spivis writes:
CL
I now understand you. A person stumped by an analogy or metaphor is sometimes closed to anything but the strict interpretation of the word of phrase...and, apparently prone to labeling people.
The fact that Stalin was not not called a Czar is irrelevant to the discussion. Technocrats that had total control over the Soviet Communist system were frequently referred to as "CZARS" by people in the West.
J. Edgar Hoover was the first Chief of the FBI and often referred to as the Czar of the FBI because of his absolute control over the Bureau. Were Rosen to write about Hoover and describe him in sinilar terms you would probably call Rosen "lame" and then waste your time and energy proving that Hoover had no Indian blood and that he had never lived in Russia.
Give it a rest.
December 19, 2008
10:27 p.m.
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mmannino writes:
jay,
The auto maker's mess has Democratic fingerprints. The UAW is a heavy supporter of the Democrats. The Democrats have insisted on many mandates that have hurt the auto makers. Democrats have pushed labor laws and regulations that have forced the auto makers to succumb to the outrageous UAW demands. The Democrats started on a series of bad mortgage industry problems in the 1990s.
Regardless of cause, the issue now is a solution. The Democrats plan to nationalize the auto industry. This editorial depicts the rat plans in an amusing way. The auto industry will be permanently dependent on subsidies. Republicans (not Bush) had a much more sensible plan to deal with the auto maker problems. The Republicans wanted a rewrite of the labor contracts in addition to many other restructuring. The Democrats will force the taxpayer to subsidize the outrageous UAW compensation and stiffling work rules.
December 20, 2008
5:41 a.m.
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BO writes:
Bluejacket-
I already know that Obama isn't going to stop the war on Jan. 21, because he never said he was going to.
December 20, 2008
5:48 a.m.
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BO writes:
CL-
He also forgets the "Drug Czar" that Reagan had during his presidency!
December 20, 2008
8:29 a.m.
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bluejacket writes:
BO:
Obama also said he was pro second amendment, let's see how that promise (crock 'o crap) pans out. (Ha)
December 20, 2008
12:29 p.m.
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Brain writes:
Obama actually wanted troops removed long before 1-21-09.
Obama on 9-12-07:
“Let me be clear: there is no military solution in Iraq, and there never was. The best way to protect our security and to pressure Iraq’s leaders to resolve their civil war is to immediately begin to remove our combat troops. Not in six months or one year – now.
December 21, 2008
1:45 p.m.
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rg writes:
It is inaccurate to say "Congressional Motors" when it is accurate to say "Presidential Motors." Bush ponied up the money.
December 21, 2008
2:21 p.m.
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CL writes:
Spivis -
"I now understand you. A person stumped by an analogy or metaphor is sometimes closed to anything but the strict interpretation of the word of phrase...and, apparently prone to labeling people."
I'm not stumped, nor have I labeled anyone. Analogies and metaphors are never perfect references, but it's a poor analogy or metaphor when it is antithetical.
"The fact that Stalin was not called a Czar is irrelevant to the discussion."
Sure it is - you said "we Americans frequently referred to the top-dog commies that headed up all facets of Russian lives as "czars"" but now you're telling us that the fact that a "top-dog commie" wasn't called a czar is irrelevant. As I said before, that's pretty lame.
"J. Edgar Hoover was the first Chief of the FBI and often referred to as the Czar of the FBI because of his absolute control over the Bureau."
And Hoover was a far cry from a "top-dog commie", nor was he a Soviet.
"Were Rosen to write about Hoover and describe him in sinilar terms you would probably call Rosen "lame""
If Rosen were say that Hoover was "an eerie reminder of the former Soviet Union and its fondness for government control of the economy" then yes, I'd call that lame since Hoover was vehemently anti-communist.
December 21, 2008
7:22 p.m.
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jay writes:
"The Democrats plan to nationalize the auto industry"
there is no excuse to be this uninformed on any issue upon which you comment, ladies.
December 22, 2008
12:10 p.m.
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mytwosense writes:
Jack_Bauer writes: "I see by the left wing commentary on this that you are offended by conservative satire, no matter how close or far from the truth it may actually be. I guess it is only funny if it is written by a liberal."
Since you mention it, no, conservatives typically aren't funny - for one reason, what they think passes for "satire" is actually indistinguishable from their everyday commentary.
That being said, I will admit the first time I heard a rightwing radio pundit, I thought it was satire.
December 22, 2008
1:02 p.m.
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NEHoss writes:
Rosen,
Right on the money as usual! Too Funny!
December 23, 2008
4:17 p.m.
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AnonOneFify writes:
Hey, Plagiarist!
How about giving Iowahawk credit for the creative part of this otherwise limp column!
Who are you? Joe Biden?
http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/...
December 23, 2008
7:57 p.m.
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harris3810 writes:
I am offended at how you blatantly stole that piece from Iowahawk. Is plagiarism the highest form of flattery? Give credit where credit is due.
December 24, 2008
7:28 a.m.
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notropis writes:
"Currently Circulating on the Internet" -- try: Written by Iowahawk. And the "liberties" you took made it worse. See the original here:
http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/...
December 24, 2008
8:29 a.m.
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SurferJoe writes:
The guy that "wrote" this column must be a liberal, 'cause he steals from the working man. Ripping Iowahawk off is criminal.
December 24, 2008
9:39 a.m.
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Spivis writes:
CL
By continuing to parse most ever word and nit-pick at the obvious you are, ahem, metaphorically speaking, flying in an ever decreasing circle at an ever increasing speed which is putting you in great danger of disappearing altogether.....
December 24, 2008
9:57 a.m.
gekkobear writes:
(This comment was removed by the site staff.)
December 24, 2008
11:39 a.m.
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mytwosense writes:
Even if Rosen hadn't edited it, and had properly cited the source, he still just got paid to write a column where all he did was copy and paste someone else's writings.
And this man has the nerve to bash union workers who actually work in his other columns?
December 24, 2008
7:44 p.m.
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CL writes:
Wow Spivis, surely you can do better than that childish (non)rebuttal.
December 25, 2008
12:03 a.m.
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Spivis writes:
CL
Here's what you should do: Contact Rosen by email or call in on his talk show and have him explain what he meant when he referred to czars and the Soviet Union in the same sentence.
Be sure to explain to Mike that the Russian czars predated the Soviet Union and that Stalin (who Rosen didn't mention) was never called Czar Stalin. These are very strong arguments for your postion.
Inform Mike that the word "czar" can only be used when describing former emperors of Russia becausing using that word when referring to a Russian communist boss that exercised great power in the Soviet Union is just too confusing.
Chances are good that Mike will see your point and issue a correction in some future column which should then put you at ease.
December 25, 2008
9:47 a.m.
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JonFraudCarry writes:
You copied-and-pasted an article originally written by Iowahawk!?!
Vice-President Biden will legalize plagiarism. But you should at least wait until the Inauguration.
December 25, 2008
9:51 a.m.
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Mike_Dugas writes:
Mr. Rosen,
Whats wrong you run out of ideas and feel it's ok to just go online and steal other peoples work? Nice job on Christmas. Kudos to IowaHawk's creativity and shame on Mike Rosen and his thievery.
December 25, 2008
12:57 p.m.
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Spivis writes:
JonFraudCarry
I believe plagiarism is the representation of someone else's work as one's original work. Read Rosen's third paragraph where he satisfactorily disclaims credit for the Congressional Motors piece.