Christopher Buckley squanders chance to skewer Supreme Court

Buckley opts for below-the-Beltway humor in his disposable new novel

By Clayton Moore, Special To The News

Published August 28, 2008 at 7 p.m.

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Photo by John Huba © Art & Commerce

Christopher Buckley's latest novel is a farce centered on the U.S. Supreme Court and the appointment of a TV judge to its hallowed halls.

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What a squandered opportunity to hurl satiric darts at one of America's most sacred cows.

Just as Christopher Buckley watered down the acidic potential of his last novel, the generationally challenging Boomsday, here the novelist, former White House speechwriter and son of the late conservative icon William F. Buckley Jr. blows a rare chance to lampoon a national institution that often draws more fire than the White House and Congress combined.

The inherent absurdity present in a court that many believe robbed a legally elected candidate of the U.S. presidency is potent enough, let alone the radical humor to be milked from a job for which one is appointed for life - however long and bizarre that life might be. Regrettably, Buckley aims his pointed wit across the broadest spectrum, relying on tawdry caricatures and below-the-Beltway politics to fuel his fitfully funny but disposable new comedy, Supreme Courtship.

In the author's latest, the challenge to the judicial establishment arises when Associate Justice J. Mortimer Brinnin is forcibly retired from the court after age and martinis take a conspicuous toll on his mental health. In due course, Buckley reminds us of a modern absolute: "Nothing raises the national temperature more than a Vacancy sign hanging from the colonnaded front of the Supreme Court."

Out of all of Buckley's characters, perhaps no one is less believable than his reluctant president, Donald P. Vanderdamp, a bland but decent public servant with a grudge against spending bills so vehement that it earns him the nickname "Don Veto," as well as the ire of the pork-loving Congress. After Sen. Dexter "Hang 'Em High" Mitchell torpedoes his first two Supreme Court candidates, Vanderdamp goes off the rails. "I'm going to send them a nominee that's going to give them a full-blown epileptic fit," he promises.

The president's third nominee comes in the form of Pepper Cartwright, a brassy spitfire from Plano, Texas, who stumbled from the Los Angeles Superior Court into the starring role in Courtroom Six, a Judge Judy-like reality program in which the gun-toting, straight- shooting judge dispenses truth, justice and Western aphorisms with gusto.

Her acceptance of the president's call to duty riles producer- slash-husband Buddy Bixby, delights her bible-thumping father Reverend Roscoe (the host of a religious program called Halleluj'all), and induces fresh skepticism in her flinty grandfather JJ, a tough-as-nails retired West Texas sheriff.

After soundly defeating Sen. Mitchell in the court of popular opinion, Pepper finds herself duly robed and facing a bench full of oddballs that make her look like the soul of discretion. They include Chief Justice Declan Hardwether; motorcycle-riding New York liberal "Mo" Gotbaum; hyper-intelligent Asian-American Ishiguro "Mike" Haro (known to voice his opinion that Harry S. Truman was "a runty genocidal haberdasher"), and African-American Crispus Galavanter, who came to fame for taking on the Ku Klux Klan - as a client.

Given the gravity of the institution in which Buckley has chosen to ply his trade, it would have been nice to see more of these hallowed halls. Instead, the story relentlessly shifts perspective, moving from the arena of public debate to Sen. Mitchell's political schemes and even to Hardwether's bedchambers, where Pepper and the Chief embark on an unlikely physical affair.

Meanwhile, Pepper is forced to grapple with legal conundrums beyond her experience. Her first case is Swayle v. Rimski Firearms, which finds a dim-witted felon suing the aforementioned manufacturer for his failure to shoot a deputy during a robbery. Intimidated by her Latin-spouting colleagues, Pepper finds herself in the daft position of voting for the rights of criminals to sue gun makers. This doesn't sit well with her grandfather, who says, "I know most everyone who goes to Washington loses their way sooner or later. But I didn't think it happened this fast."

The Catch-22 absurdity of our legal system makes for terrific satire by itself. But outside the courtroom, the author gets lazy with wildly improbable plot lines and carbon-copy humor. Denied his own run at the Supreme Court, Dexter Mitchell decides to boost his public profile by taking a role as "President Mitchell Lovestorm" on Buddy's latest TV debacle POTUS, a conservative version of the West Wing.

By pandering to the nation's love of carnage - Lovestorm's catchphrase is "Send in the Nimitz!" - Mitchell gains enough momentum to launch a constitutional amendment limiting U.S. presidents to a single term, forcing a legal showdown with Vanderdamp that must be decided by - you guessed it - the highest court in the land.

The president sums up an underling's explanation of the legal maneuvering with a lament that might be echoed by readers: "It's not a very elegant solution."

There are moments of sublime humor here and there, not least Buckley's Twain-like asides, usually delivered in footnotes. In one memorable declaration about the famous case of Bush v. Gore, Buckley notes that it brought about "the presidency of George (Not H.) W. Bush, 9/11, the Iraq War, a 40 percent decline of the U.S. dollar, the subprime mortgage crisis of 2007-2008, a fatal tiger attack at the San Francisco Zoo, and a Nobel Prize for Gore."

Had the author simply aimed his poison pen at the vital and hotly debated issues the court considers, and the sheer weight that comes to bear on its cast's collective shoulders, instead of phoning this one in, he might have delivered a far more memorable addition to his work. As it is, Supreme Courtship remains, at best, a split decision.

Clayton Moore is a Colorado freelance writer.

Supreme Courtship

* By Christopher Buckley. Twelve, 304 pages, $24.99.

* Grade: B-

Once an insider . . .

Buckley's below-the-belt satire no doubt stems from his experience inside the Beltway. Among other endeavors, Buckley worked as chief speechwriter for Vice President George H.W. Bush when the author was 29 years old.

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