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Huddling with 'dating coach' Jennifer Wallingford

By Susan Thurston, St. Petersburg Times

Published August 24, 2008 at 3 p.m.

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Jennifer Wallingford says she's just the person to give advice on dating and relationships. She's single herself and on the lookout for Mr. Right.

A certified life and relationship coach, Wallingford, 35, recently started Focusing Forward to help people develop better relationships and, she hopes, find true love. At the core: understanding what you want and what makes a healthy relationship.

Clients attend two- to four- hour workshops on smart dating, discovering your personality and defining needs. Graduates can join Focusing Forward's dating Web site, focusingforwardcoaching.com, for $30 a month or participate in group meetings on the art of attraction.

We chatted with Wallingford for an introduction to dating basics.

A common dating mistake?

Thinking a first date should be a Friday- or Saturday-night dinner and movie. There's so much pressure. It's supposed to be fun and playful. By doing a short date, you get to experience the person.

And if you like him, you get the opportunity to think about him and miss him.

Any others?

People think there's interrogation. "What do you do?" and so on. When we were kids and someone new moved into the neighborhood, you didn't go, "What's your jump shot like?" "What's your favorite action hero?" You let them play and you asked questions along the way. That's what a first date should be like: "Let's take a walk and just get to know each other."

How do you turn down someone nicely?

You have to sit down and say: "I think you're a great person, and I can't wait to introduce you to a future girlfriend of mine and tell her that I've been on a date with you and I think you're great. But I don't think that you and I click."

Everybody networks for business. You can network in your single life, too. You never know who that person knows.

What do you think of reality-dating TV shows?

I think they're amusing, but I don't think they're realistic. If I were dating a guy and I found out that he was dating 12 other women, I would say, "Nope, you're a little too preoccupied for me." It's sad, but there are some people who watch these programs and actually think that's how things should be done. They need to realize it's entertainment.

First-date dos and don'ts?

Do something you enjoy. If you don't like walking on the beach, don't ask someone to go walking on the beach. Be yourself.

Do not talk about past relationships. Be current on issues. Watch 30 minutes of CNN or E! Entertainment. If you run out of material, it's probably a good sign that it's not going anywhere.

What do you think of online dating and matchmaking services?

You have to take a self-inventory of where you're at and where you want to be. If you don't have any of that, it doesn't matter where you meet them.

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