Family life according to Snoop Dogg

Mike Mehle

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

E! Entertainment

Snoop Dogg, left, and David Beckham

What would Bill Cosby think?

Snoop Dogg and his family now star in their own celebreality show, and Mr. Pudding Pop's head wouldn't explode watching what transpires inside their nicely appointed home.

Or at least what the E! network chooses to show us. So far we've seen scant evidence of the lifestyle that's landed Snoop in handcuffs - frequently - over the years. As Snoop raps at the show's start, "We ain't the Huxtables, but we're living comfortable."

Never mind that Snoop's been banned from the United Kingdom and Australia. This is a hip-hop family man who plays tennis on the Wii, kowtows to his wife (whom he calls Boss Lady) and has a bumper sticker that says "My Kids Are the Shiznet." Who knew?

You can learn a lot about Snoop by watching Snoop Dogg's Father Hood at 8:30 p.m. Sundays. For example:

* Snoop's family isn't huge on etiquette.

When Snoop introduces his kids to David Beckham, his youngest son asks the soccer star, "How much do you make in a year?"

Answers Beckham: "How much would impress you?"

Lil' Snoop: "A billion."

Beckham: "It's close to that."

* Snoop needs to buy a clue.

Or at least more shoes. He and his kids show up at the David Beckham Academy for a soccer lesson wearing . . . fuzzy house slippers. All four of them. And if it was supposed to be a joke, the producers didn't sell it well. Of course, Beckham helped hook them up with cleats.

* Snoop needs help counting.

In the first episode Snoop introduces us to the "word of the day," which is "church on the move." We're not astrophysicists, but our calculators tell us that's actually four words. For those who insist on talking like Snoop, fo'shizzle, that means "it's time to roll."

* Snoop has the munchies.

OK, this comes as no surprise. But we do admire Snoop's resourcefulness. When Boss Lady takes away a Styrofoam container full of barbecue that he's eating at 4 a.m., Snoop conveniently has another one waiting in the wings.

* Snoop has a remarkable metabolism.

Snoop tells his soul food waitress to "double down" on the syrup for his chicken and waffles, but you'd never know it looking at the lanky rapper. And when Boss Lady tries putting our hero on a diet, he rightfully points out to friends and family that it's not necessary.

"Do I look like I need fresh pears and apricots?" he asks. "Look at pictures from 10 years ago. I still look the same. Everyone else has gone up, down and sideways."

* Snoop needs new writers.

In the first episode, Snoop visits his doctor, a yoga studio and an acupuncturist to help combat his high stress because the family's maid has quit and his three kids are making a mess of the house. To recap, the West Coast rapper was once a member of the Crips, convicted for cocaine trafficking, charged in the murder of an L.A. gang member, has battled with Suge Knight and in April was sentenced to five years of probation for gun and drug charges. And he wants us to believe he's wigging out because his kids have dropped Cheerios on the carpet.

* We need a moratorium on "It's all good."

"A lot of people was using the terminology, 'It's all good,' " Snoops tells us. "That's played out. I created 'all hood,' which means everything is good - everything. Even when it's bad."

That said, we can safely say that Snoop Dogg's Father Hood is all hood.

The clash of kitchen egos

"Don't take this personally . . . I thought your food was crap."

Gordon Ramsay, confronting Michel, a French chef trying to turn around a California restaurant that's $300,000 in debt

"If Gordon gets in my way, I promise I'll make him suffer."

Michel, who made good on his promise during a fiery finale last week on Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares

When kids get the remote

1 The ratings ranking for Kid Nation in its time slot this season - for kids ages 2 to 11. Too bad elementary kids are a little light in the wallet and not coveted by advertisers.

Among those with more disposable income - the 18-49 demographic - Kid Nation was a less-stellar 77th among all network programs.

Still, TV pundits predict that CBS might bite for another season - particularly with the ongoing writers' strike.

The clash of kitchen egos

"Don't take this personally . . . I thought your food was crap."

Gordon Ramsay, confronting Michel, a French chef trying to turn around a California restaurant that's $300,000 in debt

"If Gordon gets in my way, I promise I'll make him suffer."

Michel, who made good on his promise during a fiery finale last week on Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares

When kids get the remote

1 The ratings ranking for Kid Nation in its time slot this season - for kids ages 2 to 11. Too bad elementary kids are a little light in the wallet and not coveted by advertisers.

Among those with more disposable income - the 18-49 demographic - Kid Nation was a less-stellar 77th among all network programs.

Still, TV pundits predict that CBS might bite for another season - particularly with the ongoing writers' strike.