Three families join hands in mutual grief

Meeting called dramatic example of Christian love

By Todd Hartman, Rocky Mountain News

Published December 13, 2007 at 12:30 a.m.

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Photo by Photos By Barry Gutierrez / The Rocky

The Rev. Phil Abeyta, left, uncle of gunman Matthew J. Murray, receives an offering of forgiveness from John Steiner, Philip Crouse's uncle, after a memorial service Wednesday at Faith Bible Chapel for Crouse and Tiffany Johnson, Youth With A Mission staff members who were killed early Sunday.

Family members, from left, Mike Jacobson, Tiffany Johnson's stepfather; Diane Jacobson, Tiffany's mother; Travis Johnson, 25, Tiffany's brother; and Rachel Riipinen worship during the memorial service for Johnson and Philip Crouse.

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In the confines of a glass-walled room outside the sanctuary of Faith Bible Chapel in Arvada, three families embraced in a powerful show of forgiveness.

Just three days after a shooting rampage that left five young people dead, the families of two victims - Philip Crouse and Tiffany Johnson - put their arms around the uncle of the gunman. They shed tears, spoke, prayed and huddled in a circle, hands resting on one another's shoulders.

For half an hour, they stayed inside the room, aware of cameras flashing outside the windows. Two leaders of Youth With A Mission, the missionary group with which the victims were affiliated, led them in prayer.

But the families talked to one another as well. They looked one another in the eyes, held hands, comforted each other.

"Both families said, 'We forgive you. We don't hold you responsible,' " said Peter Warren, director of Youth With A Mission's Denver chapter.

Pastor Phil Abeyta, uncle of shooter Matthew Murray, "broke down in tears. And they prayed for him," he said.

Following that gathering, the Crouse and Johnson families left the chapel for a nearby home, where Murray's parents, Ron and Loretta, were waiting. The couple was grateful for the meeting, but they weren't ready to do it in front of cameras at the church, Warren said.

Again, the families prayed and wept. During the hourlong meeting, the Johnson and Crouse families offered the Murrays and their son - who killed himself during the rampage - their prayers, love and forgiveness, according a statement from the Murray family.

"The entire Murray family is overwhelmed by this act of Christian love and forgiveness," Abeyta said in the statement. "Matthew's parents . . . are humbled beyond words and deeply grateful to the families of God's children, Tiffany Johnson and Philip Crouse, for taking this extraordinary step to begin the process of healing and reconciliation.

"What an incredible example of the power of God's love."

The dramatic reconciliation was foreshadowed Wednesday morning at a memorial service for the Youth With A Mission victims at Faith Bible Chapel. There, Andy Johnson, Tiffany's uncle, spoke to mourners.

"The Murray family is hurting," Johnson said. "They did nothing wrong. There is no place for shame and condemnation for those who love Christ Jesus."

He said his niece, Tiffany, would want Murray and his family to be forgiven.

"I just want to say to you that we feel your pain. We know you have lost along with us," Johnson told mourners. "We pray you could lift your head high and know that Jesus is with you."

In an interview after the service, Johnson put it this way: "I just want to give them a hug, from our family to theirs. They feel so responsible as parents, and they had nothing to do with it. I hope the whole community extends (forgiveness) to the family."

The idea for the meetings originated with Andy Johnson, who phoned Warren Tuesday night.

Warren said Johnson told him: "We believe we're to extend our forgiveness for the family of Matthew Murray. We understand what they're going through. We don't feel they've done anything wrong because this was his choice, and it really breaks our heart that they're feeling this and we just want to tell them."

Warren, in turn, phoned Phil Abeyta, the pastor of a Denver church, whom he described as a friend. Abeyta, in turn, called the Murrays about the offer. "They said, 'We want this,' " Warren said.

Warren said the church felt comfortable allowing cameras and reporters to observe one of the meetings from outside the glass.

"We felt like because the whole nation and nations are involved in this story, we wanted to try and involve (the media) and allow (media) to be able to see a 'grass-roots thing.'

"It came out of (the families') hearts."

He added that when Phil Crouse's family heard the idea, they acknowledged "anger and frustration" over the shooting, but said, "We feel the same way," about forgiving.

Tom Hallas, a YWAM leader in town from Asia who participated in the meetings, called the meeting between the families "extraordinary, a very rare event."

"We were able to witness a tender love and affection with great sincerity," Hallas said. "We have witnessed today what Jesus had always hoped would be realized in the lives touched by his love."

Hallas said the event illustrates what Jesus summed up to his disciples: "Now I want you to go and proclaim to the world that forgiveness is available."

Murray family offers prayers, thanks

A statement from Ronald and Loretta Murray, parents of Matthew Murray

Out of respect for the grieving families of the victims of this unthinkable tragedy, our family will not be making any statements to the press until funeral services for all the victims have concluded. Our thoughts and constant prayers are with the families of Stephanie and Rachel Works, Philip Crouse and Tiffany Johnson as well as those who were injured in the shootings. We also are praying for the congregations at New Life Church in Colorado Springs, the Faith Bible Chapel in Arvada, home of Youth With A Mission (YWAM), and all of the dedicated young people at YWAM.

We are lost in grief as we prepare to bury our beloved son, Matthew. We loved Matthew with all our hearts, and we are groping for answers as we try in vain to understand the events of last Sunday. We pray that God will be with our family through the days and weeks ahead and that He will also be with the families of those who have died and those who were injured.

Our deepest gratitude goes out to those who have offered their love and support through this very difficult time, particularly our fellow parishioners at His Love Fellowship Church and the leadership at New Life Church and YWAM. The congregation at His Love Fellowship Church held a prayer service for all the victims last night. We were deeply moved by that. More than 100 people gathered to pray for the victims. We asked that the service be opened with the following scripture passage and it was read by Philip Abeyta, pastor at His Love Fellowship Church and Loretta's brother-in-law:

* First Corinthians, Chapter 13, Verses 1-13:

If I can speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but am destitute of Love, I have but become a loud- sounding trumpet or a clanging cymbal.

If I possess the gift of prophecy and am versed in all mysteries and all knowledge, and have such absolute faith that I can remove mountains, but am destitute of Love, I am nothing.

And if I distribute all my possessions to the poor, and give up my body to be burned, but am destitute of Love, it profits me nothing.

Love is patient and kind. Love knows neither envy nor jealousy. Love is not forward and self-assertive, nor boastful and conceited.

She does not behave unbecomingly, nor seek to aggrandize herself, nor blaze out in passionate anger, nor brood over wrongs.

She finds no pleasure in injustice done to others, but sides with the truth.

She knows how to be silent. She is full of trust, full of hope, full of patient endurance. Love never fails.

But if there are prophecies, they will be done away with; if there are languages, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be brought to an end.

For our knowledge is imperfect, and so is our prophesying;

But when the perfect state of things is come, all that is imperfect will be brought to an end.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, felt like a child, reasoned like a child: when I became a man, I put from me childish ways.

For the present we see things as if in a mirror, and are puzzled; but then we shall see them face to face. For the present the knowledge I gain is imperfect; but then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And so there remain Faith, Hope, Love - these three; and of these the greatest is Love.

Services for our son, Matthew, will be held later this week and will be private services for family and close friends.

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