Murray family meets with relatives of victims

By Todd Hartman, Rocky Mountain News (Contact)

Originally published 04:07 p.m., December 12, 2007
Updated 04:01 p.m., December 13, 2007

Matthew Murray.

Courtesy: Murray family

Matthew Murray holds his niece, daughter of his sister Cherise and her husband Jim in 1998 when Matthew would have been about 14.

Barry Gutierrez © The Rocky

The Rev. Phil Abeyta, left, uncle of gunman Matthew J. Murray, receives an offering of forgiveness from John Steiner, Philip Crouse's uncle, after a memorial service Wednesday at Faith Bible Chapel in Arvada. Students Tiffany Johnson and Philip Crouse were slain early Sunday by Murray.

In the confines of a glass-walled room outside the sanctuary of Faith Bible Chapel in Arvada, three families embraced in a powerful show of forgiveness.

Just three days after a shooting rampage that left five young people dead, the families of two victims — Philip Crouse and Tiffany Johnson — put their arms around the uncle of the gunman. They shed tears, spoke, prayed and huddled in a circle, hands resting on one another's shoulders.

For half an hour, they stayed inside the room, aware of cameras flashing outside the windows. Two leaders of Youth With A Mission, the missionary group with which the victims were affiliated, led them in prayer.

But the families talked to one another as well. They looked one another in the eyes, held hands, comforted each other.

"Both families said, 'We forgive you. We don't hold you responsible,'" said Peter Warren, director of Youth With A Mission's Denver chapter.

Pastor Phil Abeyta, uncle of shooter Matthew Murray, "broke down in tears. And they prayed for him," he said.

Following that gathering, the Crouse and Johnson families left the chapel for a nearby home, where Murray's parents, Ron and Loretta, were waiting. The couple was grateful for the meeting, but they weren't ready to do it in front of cameras at the church, Warren said.

Again, the families prayed and wept. During the hourlong meeting, the Johnson and Crouse families offered the Murrays and their son — who killed himself during the rampage — their prayers, love and forgiveness, according a statement from the Murray family.

"The entire Murray family is overwhelmed by this act of Christian love and forgiveness," Abeyta said in the statement. "Matthew's parents ... are humbled beyond words and deeply grateful to the families of God's children, Tiffany Johnson and Philip Crouse, for taking this extraordinary step to begin the process of healing and reconciliation.

"What an incredible example of the power of God's love."

The dramatic reconciliation was foreshadowed Wednesday morning at a memorial service for the Youth With A Mission victims at Faith Bible Chapel. There, Andy Ronchak, Tiffany's uncle, spoke to mourners.

"The Murray family is hurting," Ronchak said. "They did nothing wrong. There is no place for shame and condemnation for those who love Christ Jesus."

He said his niece, Tiffany, would want Murray and his family to be forgiven.

"I just want to say to you that we feel your pain. We know you have lost along with us," Ronchak told mourners. "We pray you could lift your head high and know that Jesus is with you."

In an interview after the service, Ronchak put it this way: "I just want to give them a hug, from our family to theirs. They feel so responsible as parents, and they had nothing to do with it. I hope the whole community extends (forgiveness) to the family."

The idea for the meetings originated with Andy Ronchak, who phoned Warren Tuesday night.

Warren said Ronchak told him: "We believe we're to extend our forgiveness for the family of Matthew Murray. We understand what they're going through. We don't feel they've done anything wrong because this was his choice, and it really breaks our heart that they're feeling this and we just want to tell them."

Warren, in turn, phoned Phil Abeyta, the pastor of a Denver church, whom he described as a friend. Abeyta, in turn, called the Murrays about the offer. "They said, 'We want this,'" Warren said.

Warren said the church felt comfortable allowing cameras and reporters to observe one of the meetings from outside the glass.

"We felt like because the whole nation and nations are involved in this story, we wanted to try and involve (the media) and allow (media) to be able to see a 'grass-roots thing.'

"It came out of (the families') hearts."

He added that when Phil Crouse's family heard the idea, they acknowledged "anger and frustration" over the shooting, but said, "We feel the same way," about forgiving.

Tom Hallas, a YWAM leader in town from Asia who participated in the meetings, called the meeting between the families "extraordinary, a very rare event."

"We were able to witness a tender love and affection with great sincerity," Hallas said. "We have witnessed today what Jesus had always hoped would be realized in the lives touched by his love."

Hallas said the event illustrates what Jesus summed up to his disciples: "Now I want you to go and proclaim to the world that forgiveness is available."

• December 12, 2007

  6:12 p.m.

  Suggest removal

  914karen writes:

  I believe the Murray family did nothing illegal, but it's odd that a neurologist would not have sought psychiatric help for a son whose friends in missionary training said he had voices in his head. We have a long way to go in raising awareness about mental illness.

• December 12, 2007

  7:16 p.m.

  Suggest removal

  I_Slay_The_Dragon writes:

  A bittersweet, yet, beautiful, testament to The Most High Lord.
  May God bless and continue to comfort, all affected.

• December 12, 2007

  11:24 p.m.

  Suggest removal

  rj1967 writes:

  All of these families have the chance of a lifetime to campaign for a better mental health system. Instead, I have the feeling that chance will be buried in prayer and religion. What a shame.

• December 13, 2007

  6:41 a.m.

  Suggest removal

  rutledjw writes:

  rj: Well done! You've managed to make a completely off-topic statement (Murray was already seeing a therapist) while insulting the method by which people are healing (prayer and religion).

  Have you considered a career in foreign relations? With that power of persuasion, the possibilities are LIMITLESS!

• December 13, 2007

  8:14 a.m.

  Suggest removal

  CDee writes:

  I think it is wonderful that the victims families are grieving with Murray's family. They lost someone too. Speaking from personal experience, it is so easy to project your pain onto the families of someone who has harmed you. It gives me hope to know they can heal together.

• December 13, 2007

  10:05 a.m.

  Suggest removal

  LRAL writes:

  Forgiveness is an essential step for healing for all involved, but not at the expense of facing responbility and doing something to help prevent future tragedies. Perhaps I have missed something, but a home schooled kid( lots of parental contact), highly educated parent(s) in the field of medicine/neurology, young man receiving mental health services, apparently suffers from paranoia disorder, depends on parents for money, uses computer at the dining room table, in a culture of Columbine, death metal music, theVirginia Tech shooter... how does a young man in this situation go under the rader in getting access to an assault rifle, ammunition, body armor, and have his Internet postings/e-mail totally unmonitored.

  The families always seem to be "shocked and baffled", reeling from what their child has done. There has to be an unhealthy dose of denial going on here. But if the families to detect a potential problem, what can/should they do??? I have compassion and sympathy for those who suffer from mental illness and their families, but more for the innocent victims of a preventible disaster.

• December 13, 2007

  11:57 a.m.

  Suggest removal

  rmnreader writes:

  LRAL - I agree completely this family was obviously either in serious denial or not paying enough attention. In reading some of his writings it seems as if this kid was screaming out for help. All teenagers are secretive & detached from parents but you still need to dig in & see what's going on with them - especially if they are as outwardly troubled as this boy was. It makes me wonder was he too much work or did they just give up on him too as it seems the YMAM did when they kicked him out?

• December 13, 2007

  3:25 p.m.

  Suggest removal

  whynot writes:

  I fail to understand why the families must forgive each other. What have any of them done to require forgivness? They are none of them responsible for the actions of one other person. I understand that they are forgiving the shooter....but not the entire family, which has done no wrong in this instance.