Mind p's and q's at office party

People will talk, so be careful what you do, say

By Stephanie Hoops , Scripps Howard News Service

Published December 1, 2007 at 12:05 a.m.

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Diane Rowley recalls a holiday party she went to as a young lawyer.

It was held at a partner's home and was supposed to lift the staff's spirits.

"I was young and naive and fresh out of law school," she said.

The evening ended up being more about the ramifications of one's behavior at office parties.

"It was common knowledge that one or more associates had brought significant others rather than their spouses," she said. "It was a little awkward going back to work and pretending you hadn't seen what you'd seen, or heard what you heard. It was the talk the next week." Twenty years later, Rowley, now a partner at a law firm in Thousand Oaks, Calif., shares the lesson she learned from that night about office parties:

"You can't let your hair down all the way."

If you do, experts say, you may regret it come Monday. Everyone wants to relax, but getting too relaxed can be a disaster.

"It's not just like going to a party with your family or friends," said Lydia Ramsey, a business etiquette expert who wrote Manners That Sell: Adding the Polish that Builds Profits. "Some people go to the office party and they think,'Wahoo, now I can do whatever I want,' " Ramsey said from her home in Savannah, Ga.

"People are always talking about what you did, and you can ruin your professional reputation very quickly at the office party."

As a disc jockey, Tim Knapton, owner of In the Mix Events in Ventura, Calif., has seen his share of strange behavior at holiday parties, including rowdy men, women hiking their skirts up a little too high and employees making out in a corner.

He once saw a manager have a meltdown.

The drunk manager, he said, wanted the DJs to play a CD they already had played for him. When they declined, the man flew into a rage that resulted in him getting tossed out of the party into a waiting taxi.

On the way out, he fell on a bottle and cut his hand. He then left the taxi and returned to confront the DJs.

Drinking too much is such a concern for local automobile dealerships that most don't have evening parties anymore because they're afraid of being sued should anyone leave drunk, said Steve Thomas Jr., general manager of Steve Thomas BMW in Camarillo, Calif.

"I'd say 80 percent of dealerships don't," Thomas said. "That's one reason we don't have them anymore. What we do is have barbecues during the afternoon. There's absolutely no alcohol." The BMW dealer changed its policy a few years ago after an employee came to a holiday office party drunk.

From the employers' perspective, he said, Steve Thomas BMW tries to make sure everyone has a good time because they've worked hard all year.

He suggests employees enjoy themselves but don't act out of character. People shouldn't use foul language or get drunk, he said, and they should come on time and try not to leave too early.

As for managers, there are a few things they should consider as well, Ramsey said.

For example, employers who permit their staff to drink and offer them taxis or other rides home send a mixed message.

"It says you're looking out for people," Ramsey said, "but it also says it's OK to let your hair down - and it's not."

Also, forcing your guests to play games is a turnoff for many people.

"It feels like work," she said. "You come in and they give you something to do. You shouldn't have to have the icebreaker. The party is the icebreaker, and you need to make the effort to talk to people."

That can be a challenge for both managers and employees.

Before going to the party, Ramsey recommends putting some thought into what you'll say should you find yourself talking to someone you normally would not.

"Sometimes, you're stuck there looking at the boss, and there's nothing coming out of your mouth," she said. "Think about when you come face to face with the boss, the host, the hostess, what you're going to talk about."

Ramsey also suggests bringing a small gift if the party is at someone's home. But, she said, "You don't want to do anything that's going to throw your host or hostess off."

If you bring flowers, make sure they're in a vase so the host doesn't have to run around looking for one.

If it's food, it should be something they can consume on another occasion, not something that might clash with the menu.

"Even the wine," she said, "should be something you bring to them and say, I hope you'll enjoy it later.' "

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