Meitus: I won't give up trying to entertain

Published April 28, 2007 at midnight

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Gather around the coffeepot - the new water cooler - and let's look at the important issues facing us (by us, I mean me) today.

First up, that nasty cholesterol issue. I just received word that if I don't lower my cholesterol immediately, this minute, right now, I will probably drop dead (my words, not the doctor's). Sadly, this means giving up the things I love, including my kids, who have nothing to do with my cholesterol, but ya know . . . .

Second, let's talk about middle age. OK, let's not. OK, here's what I want to say. I was standing at the elevators at work, talking to a coworker, and thinking that I was acting all entertaining-like, when this young woman came off the elevator, causing said co-worker to shift his eyes.

If I had cared, I would have done that thing where you point to your eyes with fingers in a V and go, "eyes." As it was, I approached it scientific like. What did she have that I didn't? Besides youth, blond hair and a well-tailored suit? Nothing. I should have used my fingers to poke out said coworker's eyes. But, really, I am not bitter.

Third, let's talk about all those reality shows. Why would people think it's fun to have someone pretend to crash their wedding? Now, Deal or No Deal, there's a show worth watching. I say, keep filling the airwaves with as many cheap, stupid, tawdry shows as possible. And then lament the lack of viewers. I find that deeply entertaining on some level.

Fourth, let's talk about places that haven't yet heard of a debit card. Last weekend, I took my young niece and nephew (really great-niece and nephew, but it makes me sound old, so I'm swallowing the "great") to the Denver Botanic Gardens.

I would like to say it was because of Earth Day, which would make me look all noble, but really I just wanted to have a place where they could roam and I could check out possible plants for my garden and not have to push them on swings or say "be careful" about 11,000 times.

We had a wonderful time, until we hit the Dipping Dots vendor, the last place in America that takes only cash. A cup of dots was $3.75, which means each dot was worth about a dollar. I scrounged up $3.75, but that was all the change I had (which, in my heart, was a good thing, since I am, on principle, opposed to being hijacked by Dots). The kids were forced to share, which breaks my cardinal rule of good aunt behavior: Give them whatever they want.

At the end of the day, they went off very happily.

Next week, I'm buying them both cars. You know why? Because I may be old, but they still think I'm entertaining.

Marty Meitus is the food editor when she's not talking about how the world revolves around her. meitusm@RockyMountainNews.com or 303-954-5229

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