Meitus: The 'narrows' of midlife tell me I still can be a cheerleader

Published January 27, 2007 at midnight

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In her new book, LEAP! What Will We Do With the Rest of Our Lives?, author Sara Davidson has coined a phrase: "the narrows."

If I understand this correctly, from the excerpt I read in Newsweek, the narrows is the dark passage through midlife where you have to cast off the old and bring on the new. Your identity is no longer working for you - the kids have left home, your job has disappointed you, you looked in a mirror. To make it through, you have to figure out what makes you feel most alive.

As a person who now realizes she has been in the narrows since birth, I'm still looking for the sign that says "this way out." It's been a little tougher for me, due to a pesky family genetic defect, recently identified by scientists as hole-in-the-doughnut syndrome. In my family - and by family, I mean my sisters - we have a saying about trying anything new. It goes: "You could do that, but why?"

Just as an example, I might say: "I'm thinking of taking up skiing."

They say: "You could do that, but why?"

At which point it's like pricking a hole in a balloon. Was I really that keen on being cold and wet? Wearing clunky boots? Poking people's eyes out with those stupid ski poles? No, I was not.

Still, there's a new identity out there just waiting for me. Here's today's short list:

• Sports fan: From time to time, I think about becoming a football fan. I've tried to put this into practice at my house, showing all kinds of excitement by jumping up and down during the games, cheerleader style. This does not go over well with the male people, who tell me to please sit down because they're missing the action. Humph.

• Dollhouse designer: I loved dolls and dollhouses when I was a kid and I thought this would be fun. I had this idea to build and decorate dollhouses and donate them to charity. But then I went online and found out that I would have to take out a second mortgage on the real house to buy a dollhouse kit. I could just buy building-type things and make my own, but I'm not sure where to get all those Popsicle sticks.

• Fitness instructor: I'd like to be a fitness instructor, but that would involve fitness. After shoveling 75 pounds of snow last weekend (and the weekend before that, and the weekend before that, and the weekend before that), I felt like I was in good shape.

Sure, I had to take Aleve for that back and shoulder pain. Sure, I had to reward myself for all that hard work by eating my weight in snow. Sure, I gained five pounds. But I still think I've got a shot at this new plan of action. Fitness instructor. I'm trying it on for size.

And just to see how it goes, I'm going to practice by jumping up and down during the Super Bowl, cheerleader style. It may not make the male-types very happy, but then it's my narrows and my new identity, and I'll jump if I want to.

Marty Meitus is the food editor - as soon as she can find her way out of the narrows. 303-954-5229 or meitusm@RockyMountainNews.com

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