Lehndorff: Spell-check those menus

Friday, August 4, 2006

I should be relaxing during these dog days of summer, but big questions plague my overheated mind. I get picky, picky, picky and wonder:

• Why don't people who write restaurant menus use spell-checker or have someone proofread them before they print them? I constantly catch spelling and grammatical errors among the starters and entrees. When I see "prosciutto wrapped shrimp," I wonder why there isn't a hyphen connecting the modifiers, i.e., "prosciutto-wrapped."

It makes me think there are other details that have slipped below the management's radar.

• Why do restaurants insist on listing menu prices ending in .99? Do they really think the customer is going to buy a $39.99 Porterhouse steak and think it's a bargain? They know it costs $40, and actually more like $50 with tax and tip.

• Now that we've eradicated smoking in bistros, when will the Colorado legislature enact a law banning cell phones in restaurants? The impact of inane, secondhand cell phone conversations on innocent, captive bystanders (and sitters) is well-documented.

• When will young servers learn that they will get a bigger tip if they do not ask a table of adult men and women: "What would you guys like to drink?"

• Why don't restaurant owners realize that they lose more customers with ill-maintained bathrooms than mediocre food? Women often decide where couples dine. If the bathroom's dirty and there isn't any hot water, they get grossed out and won't come back. Ever. Guys aren't thrilled by it either.

• Why don't chefs realize that it doesn't matter how good the food is in the kitchen, if the plates get air-cooled being carried across the dining room and the food arrives lukewarm at the table?

• If we can put a man on the moon, why can't we have restaurant tables that don't wobble?

Just asking . . .