List of lists

Rocky Mountain News

Published June 30, 2007 at midnight

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Rolling Stone's 100 greatest albums of all time. Entertainment Weekly's 25 greatest action movies. The American Film Institute's new list of the 100 greatest films.

We're a nation that loves to live by lists. From the FBI's Most Wanted to Zagat's top restaurant reviews, we can't get enough. What makes them so prized?

1. We're forgetful. Without them, we'd never remember to pick up our dry cleaning, recall what our kids want for their birthdays or know what movies to rent next from Netflix.

2. We're nosy. Sure, we know it's lame, but we still want to know which kid Angelina loves most, who the country's biggest billionaires are or the 10 books that top Oprah Winfrey's must- read list.

3. We aspire to be hip and trendy. Just ask us about the definitive list of emo bands or which five fashion fads are celebrity faves. Even if we've only downloaded one Death Cab for Cutie song to our iPod and still wear trucker hats, at least we can talk a good game.

And, so, in the name of list-makers everywhere, we offer this collection of completely random and totally subjective lists. Why do we love them so? Let us count the ways.

3 bands we'd love to see on a reunion tour

1. The Raspberries: The best live band that almost no one has seen live.

2. Mott the Hoople: If The Yardbirds can do it, you guys can, too.

3. Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes: This kind of passionate soul act can actually get better as the decades of living add up.

5 patron saints of unusual professions

1. Arnold of Soissons: Brewers

2. Anthony of Abbott: Grave diggers

3. Drogo: Coffee-house owners

4. Lidwina: Skaters

5. Malo: Pig keepers

4 TV vampires that don't suck

1. Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Blond. British. Bad. And he even managed to get himself a soul at the end of the series and save the world.

2. Angel, Angel and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Another brooding vamp with a soul, possibly the most beautiful vampire of all time.

3. The Count, Sesame Street. Let us count the ways, von, two, three . . . ah ha ha . . .

4. Nick Knight, Forever Knight. An 800-year-old vampire-turned-cop on a quest for redemption.

3.14159 best uses for pi

(You figure out the rest of the list, although you will never truly reach the end of it)

1. Cutie pi: What's more attractive than a mathematical constant?

2. Moon pi: Combined with an RC Cola, an infinitely great snack when you are fed up with calculations.

3. Pi in the face: Splatter someone with an irrational number for an easy laugh.

8 famous twins

1. Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen

2. Coors Light twins

3. Doublemint twins

4. Gunnar and Matthew Nelson

5. Ann Landers and Abigail Van Buren

6. Chang and Eng Bunker

7. Klondike and Snow

8. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito

5 things you eat with a spoon

1. Jell-O

2. Soup

3. Yogurt

4. Ice cream

5. Pudding

6 famous Bettys

1. Betty Suarez, Ugly Betty

2. Betty Cooper (Veronica's pal)

3. Betty Crocker

4. Betty White

5. Betty Rubble

6. Betty Ford

4 greatest Denver professional athletes named John (and not Elway)

1. John Lynch: The spry elder Denver Broncos safety gives other old Johns hope.

2. John-Michael Liles: Admittedly hyphenated, the Denver Avalanche defenseman plays classy old-school hockey.

3. John Dutton: Within his league, the Colorado Crush quarterback is as good as they get.

4. John Engelberger: There's a reason opponents call this Broncos defensive end Big Bad John.

10 unusual municipalities

1. Gnaw Bone, Ind.

2. Burnt Corn, Ala.

3. Bald Knob, Ark.

4. Hopeulikit, Ga.

5. Monkey's Eyebrow, Ky.

6. Knockemstiff, Ohio

7. Hoop and Holler, Texas

8. Satans Kingdom, Vt.

9. Lick Skillet, Va.

10. Idiotville, Ore.

5 men over 70 who are/were hot

1. Leonard Bernstein

2. Howard Zinn

3. Robert Redford

4. Paul Newman

5. Sean Connery

8 fun foreign words to say

1. pamplemousse (French, grapefruit)

2. attraversiamo (Italian, Let's cross over!)

3. bermorgen (German, the day after tomorrow)

4. conquistador (Spanish, conqueror)

5. geisterfahrer (German, wrong-way driver)

6. rishrush (Hebrew, rustling)

7. habibi (Arabic, my friend)

8. haka (Maori, war dance)

6 shades of red

1. alizarin

2. amaranth

3. cerise

4. vermillion

5. carmine

6. puce

6 food icons

1. The Campbell Kids: Sadly, they never finished elementary school.

2. Tony the Tiger: Now gumming his cereal

3. Mikey: He likes it! Darn those Pop-Rocks.

4. The Kool-Aid Pitcher: Resides on a shelf at a nursing home

5. California Raisins: Heard it through the grapevine they're looking for work

6. The talking M&Ms: Lent white gloves to Michael Jackson; want them back

6 cover songs that transcend the original

1. Man Who Sold the World, Nirvana: The grunge rockers stripped down David Bowie's sci-fi flavored original and better showcased the song's introspective nature.

2. All Along the Watchtower, Jimi Hendrix: This electrifying, epic version turned Bob Dylan's once quiet tune into a classic.

3. Romeo and Juliet, Indigo Girls: Dire Straits frontman Mark Knopfler sings wistfully of lost love, but Amy Ray takes heartbreak to a whole different level.

4. Hurt, Johnny Cash: With his spare, weathered voice, the man in black makes Trent Reznor's morose melody his own.

5. Higher Ground, Red Hot Chili Peppers: This amped-up rendition pays proper tribute to its predecessor, while bringing new Stevie Wonder fans into the fold.

6. Baby's Got Back, Jonathan Coulton: Coulton's name might not sound familiar, but his cover of Sir Mix-A-Lot's ode to bodacious behinds became an Internet sensation.

9 components of a full English breakfast that demonstrate why Brit cuisine has a bad rep

1. Baked beans

2. Kippers

3. Blood pudding

4. Fruit

5. Sliced tomatoes

6. Eggs. Badly poached.

7. Scones

8. Marmalade

9. Maalox

5 of Hollywood's hottest cougars

1. Ellen Barkin in Ocean's 13: At 53, she sizzles more than Brad Pitt and George Clooney put together.

2. Demi Moore: The 44-year-old still looks better than 29-year-old hubby Ashton Kutcher.

3. Kyra Sedgwick in The Closer: Her police chief character likes to date young.

4. Holly Hunter in Saving Grace: The TNT series set to premiere next month stars Hunter as a sheriff with a penchant for younger men.

5. Halle Berry: The 40-year-old actress is dating a 31-year-old model.

4 totally rock 'n' roll verse forms

1. Iambic Hexameter: You can have your pentameter - cool kids need six metrical feet per line. Can I get an Iliad?

2. Blank Verse: Don't do the rhyme, it's waste of your, er . . . minutes

3. Haiku: 5-7-5 in the 303!

4. The Sonnet: If it was good enough for "Shakespeare" (cough-cough, Marlowe, cough), it's good enough for us.

8 names of metro-area salons

1. The Best Little Hair House in Denver

2. Curl Up and Dye

3. Evergreen Hair Port

4. Hair & Now

5. Hair Loom Designs

6. Hair on Earth

7. Haircraft

8. Headbanger Salon

6 least-appetizing song lyrics about food

1. TV Dinners, ZZ Top: "I like the enchiladas and the teriyaki too/ I even like the chicken if the sauce is not too blue."

2. Rubber Biscuit, the Blues Brothers: "A wish sandwich is the kind of a sandwich where you have two slices of bread and you, hee hee hee, wish you had some meat."

3. Soup is Good Food, the Dead Kennedys: "Soup is good food (We don't need you anymore)/You made a good meal (We don't need you anymore.)"

4. Satan Gave Me a Taco, Beck: "The rice was all rancid and the beans were so hard/ I was gettin' kinda dizzy eatin' all the lard."

5. Canned Ham, Norman Greenbaum: "When you gonna buy me a canned ham, I been waitin' so long? When you gonna buy it, when you gonna satisfy me?"

6. Fish Heads, Barnes and Barnes: "Fish heads, fish heads/roly-poly fish heads/fish heads, fish heads/Eat them up, yum."

7 celebrity baby names that sound like musical groups

1. Audio Science. Parent: Shannyn Sossamon

2. Jermajesty. Parent: Jermaine Jackson

3. Memphis Eve. Parent: Bono

4. Moxie Crimefighter. Parent: Penn Gillette

5. Pilot Inspektor. Parent: Jason Lee

6. Seven Sirius. Parents: Andre Benjamin and Erykah Badu

7. Starlite Melody. Parent: Marisa Berenson

7 lists

1. Craigslist

2. Fortune 500

3. Schindler's

4. The Leaning Tower of Pisa

5. FBI's Most Wanted

6. David Letterman's top 10

7. Every third issue of Rolling Stone magazine

5 overrated books

1. Jarhead, by Anthony Swofford: Swofford survived a few weeks of the Gulf War, but with his pretentious narration, you'd think he'd been at Normandy on D-Day.

2. The Historian, by Elizabeth Kostova: Bloated with too much atmosphere, and come on, everyone knows Dracula died in 1983.

3. The Lovely Bones, by Alice Sebold: Solid story, but will anyone remember it 10 years from now?

4. The Yiddish Policeman's Union, by Michael Chabon: Combining Alaska, Yiddish-speaking characters, alternate history and the conceits of a thriller into one lumpy tale is like throwing moose meat into a bowl of borscht. Why bother?

5. The DaVinci Code, by Dan Brown: Interesting premise wrapped in a run-of-the-mill thriller.

7 confections based in Colorado

1. Belvedere Belgian Style Chocolates, belvederechocolates.com, Castle Rock

2. Enstrom Almond Toffee, enstrom.com, Grand Junction

3. Hammond's Candies, hammonds candies.com, Denver

4. Jocalat energy bars from Larabar, larabar.com, Denver

5. Patsy's, patsyscandies.com, Colorado Springs

6. Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory, rmcf3.com, Durango

7. Chocolove, chocolove.com, Boulder

7 personalized license plates

1. SHONTEL: Missouri, the "show me" state

2. IH82W8: Ontario

3. LQQKY: Ohio

4. ICU 2: Illinois

5. REX ALOT: North Carolina

6. RUNUOVR: Denver

7. GUDCRDT: Illinois

7 cartoons that aren't for kids

1. Family Guy: No one is safe from ridicule in this toon that aims to offend, well, just about everyone.

2. American Dad: From the folks who bring you Family Guy; this family centers around a right-wing CIA agent.

3. South Park: Grade-school pals taking on everyone from Saddam to Tom Cruise to Michael Jackson to Paris Hilton to Lord of the Rings to environmentalists to the Special Olympics to . . .

4. Drawn Together: Spoofing reality shows and offending all equally.

5. Stripperella: Pam Anderson voices Erotica Jones, a stripper by night, superhero later that night.

6. Heavy Metal: Nude scenes, horror scenes and music by Black Sabbath, Journey and Nazareth? Definitely no kids allowed.

7. The Simpsons: Too smart for those drawn by the bright colors.

Six cool things to see underwater

1. pufferfish

2. Christmas tree worm

3. whale

4. nudibranch

5. eagle ray

6. your foot

5 beers that sound like dessert

1. Quake Chocolate Cream Ale, Gluek Brewing, Minnesota

2. Tommyknocker Maple Nut Brown, Tommyknocker Brewer, Idaho Springs

3. Ephemere Peach, Unibroue, Quebec

4. O'Fallon Cherry Chocolate, O'Fallon Brewery, Missouri

5. Ramapo Valley Passover Honey Beer, Ramapo Valley Brewing, New York

5 instruments that should never be used in rock music

1. Banjo: Because the fingerpicked, five- string is too twangy, too intrusive and just looks funny.

2. Bagpipes: Even when they're in tune, they sound like someone is being strangled.

3. Tuba: Tuba, or not tuba? That's not the question. It sounds like the result of digestive difficulties.

4. Glockenspiel: The tiny xylophone is wrong because there's no tinkly in rock 'n' roll.

5. Pennywhistle: Because it is just too irritating and always reminds us of that Celine Dion Titanic song we loathe so much.

6 things to do in the middle of the night while waiting for your infant son to fall asleep

1. Learn to make a perfect three-course breakfast in complete darkness.

2. Convince him that 4 a.m. reruns of This Old House will benefit him in 20 years.

3. Role reversal: Teach him to recognize your hunger, gas and sleep cues.

4. Replace Baby Einstein crib music with heavy metal.

5. Remember simple math: obnoxious white noise = immediate sleep; gentle footsteps in nursery = end of nap time.

6. Create list of foolproof ideas to save the planet; forget them all by dawn.

4 books with "list" in the title

1. The New Book of Lists: The Original Compendium of Curious Information, by David Wallechinsky and Amy Wallace. You can never know too much curious information.

2. The Little Book of Baby Names: The Essential List for Choosing the Perfect Name For Your Baby, by Karen Kaufman Orloff. So your kid can have a distinctive name, like Apple or Dweezil.

3. List Your Self: Listmaking as the Way to Self-Discovery, by Ilene Segalove and Paul Bob Velick. In case you haven't gotten the message that lists are good.

4. Schindler's List, by Thomas Keneally. A book with "list" in the title that's actually worth reading.

7 movies that prove men look good in uniform, subcategory naval

1. The Way We Were (1973). When Hubbell Gardner (Robert Redford) appears in his dress whites, women everywhere pine to be Barbra Streisand.

2. An Officer and a Gentleman (1982). Zack Mayo (Richard Gere) in white dress uniform sweeps Paula Pokrifki (Debra Winger) off her feet.

3. A Few Good Men (1992). Lt. Daniel Kaffee (Tom Cruise) takes down Jack Nicholson's dirty colonel. You want the truth? We can't handle how hot Cruise looks.

4. Crimson Tide (1995). Has anyone ever made khakis look as good as Lt. Commander Ron Hunter (Denzel Washington)?

5. Top Gun (1986). Maverick (Tom Cruise, again) looks just fine in just a pair of Levis while playing beach volleyball, but looks even better in his dress whites.

6. No Way Out (1987). That scene between Lt. Cmdr. Tom Farrell (Kevin Costner) and Susan Atwell (Sean Young) gets marks as one of Hollywood's sexiest.

7. G.I. Jane (1997). Lt. Jordan O'Neil (Demi Moore) isn't a man, but she is smokin' as a Navy SEAL-in-training.

4 '80s fashion trends we refuse to adopt again

1. Skinny jeans: Only Iggy Pop can pull these off.

2. Big blousy tops and leggings: Why would we want to look pregnant if we're not?

3. High-waisted jeans: Unless you've got a six-pack and buns of steel, forget it. Even then, forget it.

4. Mall hair: Bangs should obey gravity.

12 modern movies based on classic lit

1. Clueless (1995). A better update out there of Jane Austen's Emma? As if!

2. She's All That (1999). What would George Bernard Shaw say about Freddie Prinze Jr.'s hacky sack scene in this modern Pygmalion?

3. Bride and Prejudice (2004). Austen's Pride and Prejudice goes Bollywood!

4. A Simple Twist of Fate (1994). George Eliot's Silas Marner gets an update from Steve Martin.

5. My Own Private Idaho (1991). Gus Van Sant does Shakespeare's Henry IV.

6. Scotland, Pa. (2001). MacBeth at a hamburger stand.

7. 10 Things I Hate About You (1999). It's Shakespeare again with Taming of the Shrew taking place in a modern-day high school.

8. O (2001). Othello on the basketball court.

9. The Lion King (1994). Hamlet, Disney style.

10. A Thousand Acres (1997). King Lear set on an Iowa farm.

11. O Brother, Where Art Thou (2000). The Odyssey set in the 1930s Deep South. Plus George Clooney.

12. Roxanne (1987). Looks aren't everything in this modern Cyrano de Bergerac.

5 supermodel meltdowns

1. Naomi Campbell, 2000: Pleads guilty to assaulting her assistant with a phone and threatening to throw her out of a moving car.

2. Kate Moss, 2005: Photos emerge of the Calvin Klein star allegedly snorting cocaine. A trip to rehab and a few months later, she is more popular than ever.

3. Naomi Campbell, 2006: Arrested for hitting yet another assistant in the head with a Blackberry.

4. Janice Dickinson, 2007: Caused such a ruckus at a Los Angeles Fashion Week show that she is reportedly banned from all future shows.

5. Naomi Campbell, 2007: Pleads guilty to reckless assault against her maid. Serves five days' community service by mopping floors for New York City Department of Sanitation.

8 great uses of glasses in a TV show or movie

1. Uncle Junior, The Sopranos

2. Elliott Gould in Ocean's 13

3. Betty Suarez in Ugly Betty

4. Velma Dinkley in Scooby Doo

5. Horatio Cane in CSI: Miami

6. Harry Potter in the movies

7. Drew Carey in The Drew Carey Show

8. Stephen Colbert in The Colbert Report

3 Colorado places you must see to believe

1. Swetsville Zoo: A menagerie of creatures made out of antique machine parts and plain junk. Near Timnath, just south of Fort Collins, east of I-25 at Harmony Road.

2. Bishop's Castle: It's 160 feet tall, built of stone and iron, and it has a dragon. Near Colorado City, on CO-165.

3. Cano's Castle: An assortment of 50-foot-tall towers of cans that a fella named Cano has been at work on for more than 25 years. In Antonito, visible from U.S. 285.

4 great TV series that lasted just 1 season

1. My So-Called Life (1994): Claire Danes portrays teenage angst perfectly. And two words: Jordan Catalano.

2. Firefly (2002): The show won a slew of awards, including an Emmy, but was still yanked. At least fans got some closure with the movie Serenity.

3. Freaks and Geeks (1999): The critics' darling was dropped before future stars like Linda Cardellini, James Franco and Seth Rogen moved on to their own starring roles, not to mention creator Judd Apatow.

4. Fastlane (2002): The stylized cop show starring Bill Bellamy, Peter Facinelli and Tiffani Thiessen was canceled because of high production costs.

5 top local craft breweries (based on 2006 sales), and a beer to try from each

1. New Belgium, Fort Collins. The summertime-only Skinny Dip might be the best light beer ever.

2. Rock Bottom, various locations. Red Rocks Red is the smooth, consistent pick at this Louisville- based brewpub chain.

3. Flying Dog Brewery, Denver. Tire Bite Golden Ale's name is a pointed reference to a competitor.

4. Odell Brewing, Fort Collins. 5 Barrel Pale Ale is hoppy without being bitter.

5. Breckenridge Brewery, Denver. Hold out for the holidays and Christmas Ale, the best winter brew.

10 Oscar winners and nominees who started out in soap operas

1. Cicely Tyson (Guiding Light)

2. Leonardo DiCaprio (Santa Barbara)

3. Brad Pitt (Another World)

4. James Earl Jones (Guiding Light, As the World Turns)

5. Laurence Fishburne (One Life to Live)