Perfect attendance

I do's and don'ts for wedding guests

Lesley Kennedy, Rocky Mountain News

Monday, July 17, 2006

I, (your name here), take responsibility to respond to wedding invitations promptly and to refrain from bringing uninvited guests.

I promise to abstain from wearing white or something too sexy or something too casual, like (gasp!) shorts, and will dress appropriately for the occasion.

I pledge to give a thoughtful toast that is not degrading or embarrassing, but respectful and heartfelt.

I will give you a gift you can use and will appreciate in a timely manner.

Above all, I vow to be a gracious wedding guest, through sickness and in health, from this day forward, as long as I stay on wedding invitation lists.

Summer means wedding season has arrived, and with it, stacks of embossed invitations are piling up in mailboxes everywhere.

To stave off unseemly embarrassments, fashion faux pas or other etiquette mishaps, we offer four vows to help renew your position as the perfect wedding guest.

Now, say "I do" and hit the wedding season running with a civilized start.

Invitation etiquette

Those invitations are sent out for a reason: The paying party needs to know how many people will be attending. Some general tips from the wedding experts at www.theknot.com:

• RSVP is short for, "Repondez, s'il vous plait," which means, simply, "Please respond." That means you should respond either way, whether you're able to make it or not. If the couple has included a response card or postcard with the invitation, it's easy: Just send the card back, saying you will or will not attend. (If no response card is included, you should send a note letting the couple know whether you'll be there.) If you don't respond, the couple will be forced to call you to verify your attendance. Don't give them more to do — just send your card back. "Regrets" or "Regrets Only" means that only guests who can't make it need to respond.

• Respond as soon as you get the invitation. The couple needs a final head count no later than two weeks before the wedding. And let the hosts know if you must cancel at the last minute; don't just not show up.

• Don't assume you can invite a date (unless it says "and Guest") and/or bring along your children or other family members whose names are not explicitly included on the invitation.

Toast tips

What's a wedding without a touching toast or two? Some do's and don'ts from Peggy Post's Wedding Etiquette:

• The best man gives the first toast. It's perfectly fine for his to be the only one offered. Often, both fathers offer welcome toasts to each other's families and guests. The maid or matron of honor and other members of the bridal party may propose toasts, and the groom may toast his bride and new parents-in-law.

We say, the bride should toast her husband and new parents-in-law, as well.

• Everyone should rise for the toasts to the newlyweds except the bride and groom, who remain seated. If a toast is directed to the bride only, the groom rises; if it is directed to their parents, both the bride and groom rise. They do not drink a toast to themselves.

• Wedding toasts are best prepared ahead of time, as you may be more nervous or emotional than you might expect. Keep what you say short and to the point — the spotlight should be on the bride and groom. Comments should be in keeping with the occasion. This is not the time for long stories and humorous anecdotes. Those are more appropriate at the rehearsal dinner.

What to wear

Dressing for a summer wedding can be tricky, especially if it's held outdoors. You don't want to melt, but you don't want to look too casual, either.

Trinny Woodall and Susannah Constantine, in their book What Not to Wear for Every Occasion, suggest the following for women:

• For day: a floaty summer dress that flatters the body shape, along with a hat that picks out the palest color in the dress (not the darkest) and a key accessory, such as a large cuff bracelet or signature clutch. Shoes can be sexy, but should give enough support to walk on grass. You don't want to get stuck in the mud.

• For evening: A sexy dress to dance in, along with a slinky cardigan and fab evening bag. If you opt for a shorter dress, look for detailing, such as sequin details, to make it still seem formal.

And on the oft-asked question of whether wearing white is OK at a wedding? Just don't go there. There are plenty of other options, and there's no need to compete with the bride. The day is about her, after all, not you.

As for the guys, when in doubt, wear a suit. If the invitation says black tie, dress in a tuxedo. But if it doesn't specify the type of attire for a summer wedding, says www.askmen.com, base your decision on the time of day. Tips from the site:

• For day: Linen or twill suits work well with warm weather. If it's a beach wedding, a simple blazer and dress pants in shades of cream, beige, blue or gray are appropriate.

• For evening: Avoid wool suits for warm-weather weddings. Rather, opt for a comfortable cotton ensemble. Since this wedding's at night, you should choose a dark-colored suit (navy, black, charcoal or gray).

Wedding movies

Brides.com's top 10 wedding movies of all time.

1. It Had to Be You (1947). The benefit of multiple trips down the altar? Multiple wedding dresses, of course! Despite a chronic case of cold feet, Ginger Rogers' gorgeous wedding gowns are a sight to behold.

2. The Wedding Singer (1998). A hilarious '80s throwback, The Wedding Singer offers excellent cameos of the worst bridesmaid dresses ever made, and possibly the best-ever "I do" kiss between Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore.

3. That Old Feeling (1997). For any bride who's worried her divorced parents might spoil the wedding, this riotous film of feuding folks will run deep.

4. My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002). Covering multiethnic and interfaith weddings with outrageous aplomb, this gut-busting Greek movie will have your Episcopalian/Lutheran schism feeling oh-so-minor.

5. Wedding Crashers (2005). Bridesmaids beware! This cautionary tale of cavorting wedding crashers is a great choice for bachelor or bachelorette parties.

6. Father of the Bride (1991). Martin Short's flamboyant performance as wedding planner to the stars is initially aggravating to bride's father Steve Martin, but the result is one of the most elegant wedding ceremonies in cinema history.

7. The Philadelphia Story (1940). Haughty Katharine Hepburn perfectly portrays hot-headed heiress Tracy Lord as she juggles her three star-studded suitors.

8. Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994). This Oscar-nominated English film, in which droll one-liners about love abound, is British humor at its best.

9. The Wedding Banquet (1993). In this funny and sensitive wedding movie by Ang Lee, it's all about the after-party.

10. Everyone Says I Love You (1997). This hilarious Woody Allen musical highlights the perils of a thoroughly modern marriage: the ex-husbands, the children from former marriages and the random convicts who creep into our hearts at inadvertent times.

From flowers to gowns

Most common wedding searches on Yahoo.com:

Bouquet flowers:

1. Calla lilies

2. Gerbera daisies

3. Tropical

4. Tulips

5. Orchids

Diamond colors:

1. Black diamond

2. Blue diamond

3. Pink diamond

4. Yellow diamond

5. White and yellow

Wedding dress styles:

1. Informal/casual/reach

2. Short

3. A-line

4. Tea length

5. Halter style

Bridesmaid dress colors:

1. Pink and black

2. Pink

3. Orange

4. Lime green

5. Gold

Destination weddings:

1. Las Vegas

2. Hawaii

3. Maui

4. Florida beach weddings

5. Gatlinburg, Tenn.

Honeymoon spots:

1. Hawaii

2. Tahiti

3. Gatlinburg

4. Costa Rica

5. Fiji