Gulp! Simpsons 7-11's new overlords

'Life imitates Bart' at Denver store to hype movie

Alan Gathright, Rocky Mountain News

Published July 3, 2007 at midnight

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"D'oh!"

No, fans of the The Simpsons aren't hallucinating: That really is a "Kwik-E-Mart" at Third Avenue and Broadway in Denver.

In a promotion dubbed "life imitates Bart," 7-Eleven Inc. has transformed 11 U.S. stores and one in Canada into Kwik-E- Marts, the fictional convenience store of cartoon infamy, to hype the July 27 opening of The Simpsons Movie.

On Monday, the newborn Kwik-E-Mart was busier than a Friday night at Moe's Tavern, as Simpsons fans young and old chomped pink "Sprinklicious" doughnuts and washed them down with Buzz Cola and Squishees, the cartoon show's slushy drink knockoff of Slurpees.

"Buzz Cola is amazing!" declared 12-year-old Danny Tomeny, of Plano, Texas, who made the pilgrimage with his Denver cousins.

"It should stay the Kwik-E-Mart - no more 7-Eleven," insisted Matthew Tomeny, 10, one of the cousins.

Officials at 7-Eleven say the gimmick shows they can take a joke - and, they hope, all the Simpsons devotees that come with it.

After all, the long-running TV cartoon version of Kwik-E-Mart lampooned 7-Eleven as a store where its thickly accented immigrant Indian owner - the beloved Apu Nahasapeemapetilon Jr., Ph.D. - sells rancid hot dogs, decade-old milk and artery-clogging snacks.

"Thank you, come again!" Apu dutifully ends every transaction - even armed robberies.

7-Eleven spokesman Mike Mc-Kenna said business "significantly" increased at the Denver store, as fans made the trip to take snapshots of themselves with the life-size figures of Apu, Marge and Homer Simpson, and Chief Clancy Wiggum.

"You've got a piece of American pop culture. It's a 19-year TV series, and people have grown up on the series," McKenna said.

7-Eleven notes that the Simpsons' fan base - men, ages 18 to 34, and youngsters, ages 6 to 17 - mirrors the convenience chain's "core customers."

7-Eleven's other 6,400 stores also will peddle Simpsons stuff that until now existed only in the TV town of Springfield: KrustyO's cereal and special editions of Bart's favorite comic, "Radioactive Man."

Sorry, folks, there's no "Duff" beer - Homer Simpson's favorite swill.

Amazingly, mature minds got involved and decided the brewski clashed with the new flick's kid-friendly PG-13 rating.

Denver's shop has been reclad with a cartoony bright-yellow facade, signs switched to "Kwik-E-Mart" and the welcoming slogan: "Thank You For Loitering. Please Come Again."

7-Eleven embraced the show's irreverent shtick with signs stating: "5 Minute Parking. Violators Will Be Executed" and "Today's Pastries at Tomorrow's Prices."

Michael Seller and his 9-year-old son, Levi, drove from Westminster to sip Squishees - the diet tangerine cup features a pig chasing Homer.

"I got him hooked on The Simpsons years ago because I got tired of watching Sponge Bob, " the dad said.

"He's been a huge fan ever since."

"We own every season of the DVD so far," Levi said. "My favorite character is Homer."

The monthlong promotion has the Denver 7-Eleven, er, "Kwik-E-Mart" manager Leon Nemirovsky all but screaming "Cowabunga, dude!" with joy.

"We've got a bunch of people coming in and taking pictures with us and the life-size cutouts of the Simpsons characters," said Leon in his native Ukrainian accent.

"Our parking lot is packed."

Just like Apu, Leon and his colleagues are wearing smocks of lime green and blue that fans are asking to buy.

While 7-Eleven officials stress that, humor aside, their stores are selling fresh, healthy food, Leon is staying in Kwik-E-Mart character.

Asked if he's selling well-aged (i.e. rank) hot dogs, Leon replies: "Yeah, we sell everything."

Other U.S. Kwik-E-Mart locations are in New York City; Chicago; Dallas; Burbank, Calif.; Los Angeles; Henderson, Nev.; Orlando, Fla.; Mountain View, Calif.; Seattle; and Bladensburg, Md.

What's for sale

Branded items from The Simpsons for sale at the Kwik-E-Mart, at Third Avenue and Broadway:

• KrustyO's

• Buzz Cola

• Squishees

• Special editions of "Radioactive Man" comics

• Sprinklicious doughnuts

The highest bidder

A check on eBay Monday afternoon found many of these branded items for sale, at much more than the sale prices:

• A six-pack of Buzz Cola sold for $40. It retails for $2.99.

• One can of Buzz Cola has an auction price of $20.

• "Radioactive Man" comic book was being auctioned off on eBay, with a minimum bid of $500. The highest bid so far was $399. It costs $3.99 at the store.

Back to normal

The store returns to a 7-Eleven on July 31.

The Associated Press contributed to this report. gathrighta@RockyMountainNews.com or 303-954-5486

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