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Counting failures to a Millen

Published November 27, 2006 at midnight

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Editor's note: These would-be columnists were whittled down from 146 hopefuls in our Last Columnist Typing contest. One columnist is eliminated per week — a la Survivor — until one is left at the NFL season's end. The winner will cover an event alongside the pros.

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Every Thanksgiving the Detroit Lions crawl onto the national stage, confirm that they’re as incompetent as they were last year, then fade back into irrelevance for another 12 months. The script was followed to a tee last Thursday, however one story emerged as not only relevant, but historic. Matt Millen is establishing himself as the worst executive in the history of professional sports.

Yes, Isiah Thomas has become a punch line while running the Knicks, but compare his performance to Millen’s. You’ll end up shoving a cigar in Zeke’s mouth and calling him Red Auerbach.

In 2001, Millen took over a Lions team that went 9-7 the previous season and just missed the playoffs when it lost on the last play of the final game. The man had never been a coach nor did he ever hold a front office position with any team, yet he was named president, CEO and ostensibly general manager of the franchise. Millen was emphatic at his first press conference that this was not a rebuilding project. His goal was to "win now."

Since then, the numbers are absolutely staggering: 23 wins against 68 losses, with an average record of 4-12. In more than 5½ seasons, the Lions have won back-to-back games only twice and have never won three in a row. When, exactly, is "now"?

Millen’s ability to assess football talent is dismal. Charles Rogers, a No. 2 overall draft pick, not only was cut by the Lions but is no longer in football. Millen traded the third pick in the 2002 draft, only to see Joey Harrington come back to Detroit and throw three touchdown passes on Thanksgiving. Last year’s 10th overall pick, Mike Williams, has been a fixture on the inactive list, and rumors are swirling that he no longer wants to play football.

For his first head coach, Millen hired Marty Morningweg, best known for winning an overtime coin toss and electing to take the wind as opposed to the ball. After firing Morningweg, Millen hired Steve Mariucci. Since Mariucci was the only person to interview, Millen was fined $200,000 for violating the league’s minority hiring guidelines. Now, Rod Marinelli is the Lions coach and Mariucci will end up collecting more than $10 million for the thrill of not having to coach in Detroit.

The resume speaks for itself. What makes Millen’s ineptitude even more flabbergasting is that the NFL goes out of its way to prevent it from happening. With a hard salary cap, free agency and schedules tied to performance, there is no other league that pursues parity as doggedly as the NFL. Apparently, that pursuit is not Millen-proof.

Worst ever. Case closed.

So as we kick off the holiday season, accept this as a gift to all Broncos fans: a gift of perspective. Yes, the Broncos have lost two in a row and will fight for the playoffs with a rookie quarterback and a defense that’s reeling. But things could be worse. A Millen times worse.

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