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Littwin: Where's Littwin? Way back here on News 38

By Mike Littwin, Rocky Mountain News (Contact)

Published January 23, 2007 at midnight

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Yo.

Back here. Way back here.

Or as the guys on Sports Center say: Back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back . . .

Keep turning. Keeeeeeeep turning. Just consider it your morning aerobic exercise, although, under OSHA rules, I need to warn you that the more pages you turn, the greater the risk of a paper cut.

Keep turning. Past the local news. Past the world news. Past all the news, to page News 38, which sounds, I know, like a local access channel news report, but is actually what used to be called plain-old page 38.

OK, presumably, you've found me in my new home, on the page across from the inside cover - or, as I like to call it, the op-weather page - where you'll be able to read me and Griego and Johnson and Stein. This placement is a tribute, I assume, to Paul Simon and his prescient lyric: "I get all the news I need from the weather report." By the way, my forecast: More huge ruts in the permafrost on my street. Thank you, Mr. Mayor.

Now, the good news: Temple - that's editor, publisher, pooh-bah, my boss John Temple - has assured me this new column placement will make it even easier - or, as we like to say in the new conveniently sized Rocky, even more convenient - for readers to find.

He may be right, assuming, of course, readers are conveniently trained in Hebrew and start reading from the back. Maybe Temple has a point, though. He argues that George Will and Rick Reilly are on the inside back cover of their respective magazines. Now, if I can just get paid like those guys.

In the meantime, you can do me a favor. Temple and I have a little wager as to how many people will actually find this conveniently placed column. So, we're having a drawing. To enter, send in a tear-sheet of this page to Where's Littwin, Rocky Mountain News, 101 W. Colfax Ave., Suite 500, Denver, CO 80202. The winner will get an autographed photo of the granite shower in Temple's palatial office. (I hear there's an online poll, too. You know how to vote.)

So, you're asking, why is the Rocky - with the red Rocky flag - being conveniently shrunk, other than to help protect our phony baloney jobs?

As you may have heard, the newspaper biz is in crisis. Circulation is cratering around the country. There are still tens of millions of readers left, but as we say on Wall Street, you can spot a trend line.

You've read about the layoffs (not here, thank God), about newspapers sold off at bargain prices, about newspaper chains breaking up, about my own newspaper company (Scripps) making its money from the Food Network and HGTV, about my wife suggesting I start a column on the joys of fondueing.

The obvious problem is that newspapers are not exactly 21st century friendly. And yet, I'm sitting in a brand new $90 million building, with a view to match. Apparently, there are people with much money to spare - and I salute them - who still want to own newspapers.

The future of newspapers is the Internet, and that means finding a way to make cyberspace more profitable. But the present is still in print. And part of the strategy is to make the print version more reader friendly, which has come to mean smaller. Ever smaller. Coming to a neighborhood newsstand: Honey, I Shrunk the Rocky.

So, you get a more convenient Rocky. And in the spirit of things, I have adopted the convenient "5 questions" format - now everywhere in the Rocky in place of what used to be called "news stories" - to explain it all.

1. What exactly is the point of the Rocky's convenient new size? How do you save money if the news hole is, in fact, the same Monday through Friday?

That's actually two questions. But in a smaller Rocky you have to squeeze. Smaller is better. We have new presses that they say guarantee greater efficiency, which is why, eventually, the paper will be the size of a cell phone screen - and I'll be podcasting my column.

2. What's up with the red Rocky flag?

This is an attempt to make the Rocky look , uh, hip. This is what comes of 50-year-olds deciding what younger readers like. I hear they've also booked Kenny G for the kickoff celebration.

3. Why is your column now in the back - and does it have anything to do with your hair?

Besides the convenient placement for the reader, Temple says the idea is to move opinion from the news pages and closer to Mike Rosen and his kind of hair. Temple has called this an "experiment," to see if readers will stop complaining about liberal media bias. I thought the experiment talk was so much spin, but when I got to work, a Bunsen burner was on my desk.

4. Are you looking forward to reader comments sharing the column page?

We value the opinions of all our Web posters, especially those with screen names like Clueless in Castle Rock.

5. I know Hillary Clinton is in. Is she really in to win?

I asked Clueless. He didn't have any idea. All I know is that these are my back pages now. It's the new Rocky, and we move on. As Dylan conveniently wrote: I was so much older then. I'm younger than that now.

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