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Littwin: A tale of war and peace in Pagosa Springs

By Mike Littwin, Rocky Mountain News (Contact)

Published November 28, 2006 at midnight

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You can stop the voting now. The ballots are in and counted (even in Denver).

We now officially have the most idiotic story of the year - in which a Homeowners Association in Pagosa Springs had banned the display of a Christmas (holiday?) wreath because it was designed with a peace sign in the middle of it. (See Page 5A.)

Yes, it's another heartwarming Christmas (holiday?) story.

Last year at this time, you'll remember, we had the war against Christmas, as seen through the dyspeptic eyes of Bill O'Reilly.

Night after night, O'Reilly struck out at those secular department stores, which, in a bid either to undermine religion or to draw from the broadest range of customers, used the greeting "Happy Holidays" - as in the subversive Bing Crosby tune Happy Holidays - instead of "Merry Christmas."

O'Reilly, the self-styled culture warrior, seems to have won that battle, by the way. Kmart and Target and the others are all merrily Christmasing this year. Wal-Mart has announced that 60 percent of its "holiday" labels have been changed to "Christmas." Sounds like those Chinese assembly-line workers have been busy.

There are a few holdouts. According to a Washington Post story, cell phones from Virgin Mobile USA are being marketed to customers with this advice: Have a "bleepin' awesome holiday season."

And then there are the voters, who seem to have gone for the godless secular progressives (or as O'Reilly would say: Democrats).

Still, here in Denver, we have the City Hall all alight, with the same old creche alongside the same old Frosty the Snowman. And in the Parade of Lights this weekend, never fear: There will be another religious float this year. We can bring out the kids to cheer for the baby in the manger and/or the giant kangaroo balloon, whichever your religion allows.

And they say there will be fun surprises at the parade. Myself, I'm hoping for a Ted Haggard balloon.

But, let's face it, the war against Christmas is so last year.

This year, at least in one Pagosa Springs subdivision, we have the war against Christmas peace.

It's a stunning development. Of course, as Clausewitz pointed out long ago, war is unpredictable. And this time the fog of war seems to have obscured both peace on Earth and good will toward men. Admit it, that's some fog.

But even Clausewitz couldn't have anticipated that anyone would see a Christmas wreath as "divisive" or - and this is the clincher - a "sign of Satan."

Yes, according to Loma Linda HOA President Bob Kearns, the antichrist has come to Pagosa Springs, or at least one subdivision therein, in the form of a peace sign on a Christmas (holiday?) wreath. Kearns told the Durango Herald it's "an anti-Christ sign. That's how it got started."

Somebody get Ken Salazar on the phone. How about James Dobson? I have just three words for Mr. Kearns: Six, six and six.

I know, it's hilarious. If only Borat had stopped in Colorado.

This is a long story, another one of those HOA horror stories. This one began with a pair of skis and a pie tin, which one homeowner had fashioned into a peace sign. He was ordered to take it down or be fined. Yeah, those are the HOA rules: You can be fined for either being pro-peace or for painting your door red. Anything "divisive."

And then came the peace-sign wreath - who knew there were such rebels in Pagosa Springs? - put up by Lisa Jensen and Bill Trimarco, the homeowners in question. They were ordered to take it down or risk a daily fine of $25.

They refused, which is pretty darn American, if you ask me. That's what the five-member Architectural Control Committee thought, too. They refused to go along with the fine and were fired. They asked, in effect, what could possibly be wrong with being pro- peace?

Or, as Elvis Costello would put it, what's so funny 'bout peace, love and understanding?

Or, as Sly Stone sang about the peace sign: "It will do you no harm." What did he know?

We are in the post-election silly season. We're in the O.J. season. The Kramer season. the Jake vs. Jay season.

Of course, we're also in that long-running season featuring the war in Iraq. As Trimarco told Rocky reporter Dick Foster, "People are dying everywhere. And this is the season - if you can't say peace now, when can you say it? And the next thing you know, we're being fined."

And the next thing you know, you look at the Internet to learn some people actually believe if you turn the peace sign upside down, you see an inverted cross and two broken arms, an anti-Christian symbol.

Look it up yourself. I remember when I was a kid that if you played some Beatles songs backward - and I tried, particularly on Revolution 9 - you'd hear that Paul was dead.

He wasn't. He probably wasn't in an HOA, either.

Jensen said Monday that she received a letter from the homeowners board announcing that it was withdrawing the fines.

But I think, in any case, in the spirit of the season, even at the risk of being fined for playing it, Paul would recommend one of John's songs to Mr. Kearns: Give Peace a Chance.