The mascots have their say ...

Paul Willis, Special to the Rocky

Published September 1, 2007 at midnight

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With the help of a special animal interpreter, Rocky writer Paul Willis asked Chip the Buffalo from the University of Colorado and Cam the Ram from Colorado State to answer some questions about today's football game.

Chip the Buffalo

• If you suddenly found yourself in the CSU student section, you would . . .

Pass out tissues.

• Your fighting words for Saturday's game are . . .

I think CSU knows we're champions, so we don't have to resort to fighting words or trash talk.

• CSU won the football game last year. The reason for that was . . .

Pure luck.

• Who would win a steel-cage match: Cam the Ram or Chip the Buffalo?

I'm not even going to justify this question with a response. It's pretty obvious that Chip would win.

• Fort Collins is a perfect place to . . .

Where?

• Which is tougher: sweating off pounds in a buffalo outfit or losing to CSU?

I'd have to say sweating off pounds, because we never lose to CSU.

• A buffalo is cooler than a ram because . . .

It's bigger, more ferocious. It's a more handsome animal. More graceful.

• Your vote for the mascot Hall of Fame among this year's contestants from Nebraska (Lil' Red), Miami (Sebastian the Ibis), Western Kentucky (Big Red), Tennessee (Smokey), Michigan State (Sparty) and Ohio State (Brutus Buckeye)?

I'll have to go with my boy Smokey, because he's all around just a great mascot.

Cam the Ram

• If you suddenly found yourself in the CU student section, you would . . .

Hang out and grill up some Buffalo burgers.

• What are your fighting words for Saturday's game?

Fight on, you stalwart Ram team, on to the goal.

• Boulder is a perfect place to . . .

Spend your trust-fund money.

• Who would win a steel-cage match: Cam the Ram or Chip the Buffalo?

Cam would win, because he's a ram and he's got Ram Power. He would just Ram him over. Plus, Cam's name is steeped in tradition. Chip is named after, well, a buffalo chip.

• CSU won the game last season. How long do you expect the Rams' winning streak to progress?

A million years.

• A ram is cooler than a buffalo because . . .

Because we can go over any type of mountain, hop over the rocks. Rams usually have twins, so there are usually more of them. We're the state symbol for the Colorado Division of Wildlife, and the state animal.

• Your vote for the mascot Hall of Fame among the contestants from Nebraska, Miami, Western Kentucky, Tennessee, Michigan State and Ohio State?

Lil' Red from Nebraska.

... and the fans have theirs

We asked fans for their best insults, jokes, one-liners and all-around smack talk. Here's a sampling of what CSU and CU fans really think of each other:

• "What CSU really stands for: Colorado's Sister University."

• "Dan Hawkins looks like Mr. Potato Head. Go Rams!"

• "Did you hear about the man- eating tiger that got loose on the CSU campus? He starved."

• "I tried to download the CU football schedule, but all I got was a courtroom docket!"

• "I saw a a guy standing in line at the market and I said, 'You're a CSU grad?' He said, 'How'd ya know? Was it the mud on my boots or my overalls?' I said, 'I saw your class ring when you were picking your nose.' "

• "What do both CU and CSU students have in common? They were both accepted to CSU."

• "The CU football team in a remedial English class: 'Let's start with the basics,' the professor explained. 'Does anyone know what comes after a sentence?' All of the players raised their hands. 'The appeal!' "

• "I've always admired CSU - it's the best high school in the state."

• "The only time there is a full set of teeth in Fort Collins is when the entire football team has practice."

• "What do CSU, Montana State and Nebraska all have in common? They all beat CU last year. LOL."

• "Looking for culture? Go to a university. Looking for agriculture? Go to State! "

• "You might have gone to CSU if someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle."

• "How do you get a CU alumni with a graduate degree off your doorstep? Pay 'em for the Chinese food!"

• "Buff fans are the only group of people, besides the French, that will continue to try to look down their noses at you even as you kick their butts."

• "Ward Churchill. 'Nuff said."

• "How do we know Jesus wasn't born in Boulder? They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."

• "CU students were really excited when the playing surface at Folsom Field was converted from artificial turf to grass . . . until they found out they couldn't smoke it!"

• "Why does a CU football player have picture of a buffalo on his helmet? To remind him he has a date after the game."

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