Brown: Hey you-the one singing along with 'Desperado' at the top of your lungs . . .

Mark Brown, Rocky Mountain News

Published April 20, 2007 at midnight

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And you, the only two people standing in your section while everyone's trying to see around you.

Sit down and shut up. We can phrase it more crudely, if you'd like. And many readers did.

Summer concert season is almost here and the Rocky invited readers to tell us about the worst jackass they've ever run into - those people who just ruin a concert for you.

Oh, and they did.

"The urinator." "The Bongo Man." "Britney, Paris and Lindsey." "Old chubby belly dancer." The nicknames for the worst offenders tell the story by themselves.

But there was one overriding theme in the dozens of responses: Sit down and shut up.

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Strangely, some of the people that most fans consider problems weighed in with their side. Do you want to know why that woman stands for the whole concert? Or why that guy decides he's going to squeeze into your seats? They're here too:

• "Some idiot starts singing in the row behind us - loud and off-key. I turn around and tell him that I didn't pay 20 bucks to hear him croak Ring of Fire. He gets very agitated and asks, 'What makes you so different from me that you can tell me what to do?' My reply to that question was, unfortunately, 'I have a job.' I can't remember why I didn't die that night." – Harold.

• "I was taping a show at Red Rocks when the drunk guy next to me noticed my microphone and asked if he could get a copy of the show. He said he didn't have a pen so he'd tell me his address, so he grabbed my mic and started reciting his address into the mic during the show. Boy I'm glad I have that on my recording!" – Phil

• "I knew it was going to be a bad night when I sat down in my seat and the guy next to me was already so drunk that he was throwing up on his own shoes. He didn't know much about Neil Young, so he kept pestering me with questions during the music (with terrible breath!). I guess he liked the music because he got excited and decided to shoot off some fireworks that he brought with him. That's when security finally hauled him off." - Mike

• "My cousin went to a Dave Matthews show at an outdoor sit-on-the-grass arena, and the young couple in front of him proceeded to have sex on their blanket while a crowd stood around and watched. He said it made listening to Dave Matthews almost tolerable." - Ryan

• "A stoner climbed onto the second-level railing during a Bob Seger concert at McNichols in the late '70s. I honestly thought he'd fall to a very painful and messy death, and take out one or two innocent bystanders in the process. Somebody pulled him back from the edge." - Mitch

• "My wife, six months pregnant, myself and a good friend were peed on at Red Rocks during the Tom Petty/Wallflowers show a few years ago. The guy was behind us, security tossed him out but he returned about 10 minutes later. I thought there was going to be a riot when he came back the second time and the people who had been standing around him heard what he was up to." - Robert

• "Some cretin is yelling at the top of his lungs Whipping Post from about 5 o'clock on. All through the opening act. Right before the Allmans come on, he passes out into a lake of his own vomit." - Harold.

• "I attended a Blue Oyster Cult concert in the Denver Auditorium in 1978 or '79. We were in the tiered seating in the back of the auditorium. A thoroughly wasted concert-goer . . . drops his pants and starts urinating on everyone below. There is a mad scramble of 20-30 people to get out of the way. After a minute or so, several people behind the urinator force the guy back into his seat and cover him with his own coat. He continues to urinate on himself." - Steve

• "We had the unfortunate experience of sitting next to the man we still refer to as 'Bongo Man.' This yahoo actually brought his set of bongos to the (Neil Young) concert and unfortunately they hadn't been confiscated at the door. He proceeded to bang on them relentlessly during every song. To this day, if we see someone disrupting any event in any way, we look at each other and say, 'Give it a rest, Bongo Man.' " - Evan

• "As the (Dixie Chicks) concert began, four young women sitting in the front row of our section stood up and danced. We could not see around them. We started to approach them in person, one by one, and very politely asked them to sit down. All sat down but one woman who turned around and glared at us families and turned back around to jump, clap and yell to the stage. Just when I was going to summon the aid of an usher . . . the young woman left her row and came back with an usher. She pointed out the family directly behind her who was 'harassing her.' Then she pointed out me and the other family in the row as well as trouble makers. To my horror, the usher asked the family behind the woman to leave!!! They did!" - Joyce

• "In the row in front of us were three 20-something girls; let's just call them Britney, Paris and Lindsey. No, they had no clue who Bob Seger was. This night was all about them. With constant cell-phone photo sessions of themselves; wild antics just like Britney does; and displaced Hollywood attitude. One of the dates apologized for the mindless behavior. We all cheered when they finally got bored and left!" - Gene

• "Willie Nelson at Red Rocks, circa 1995. We were headed down row 27, center, when we encountered inebriated fellas in our seats. 'Join us. We'll make room for you,' they invited. They got angry when we declined to join their party. They refused to leave so we had to enlist the help of security. At mid-concert I headed out to get some refreshments when my rear foot tripped over someone's out-stretched leg. The jerks found a couple of empty seats near the end of our row. " - Jim

• "We went to see Tom Petty and were surrounded by people who became increasingly more obnoxious the more they imbibed. It was very difficult to hear Tom's acoustic set, and some people sitting around us asked the loudmouths to keep it down. We were told to 'turn up your hearing aids,' 'go back to the nursing home,' or to just 'shut the (expletive) up,' etc., with one of the male offenders actually jumping over some people to threaten an older woman. " - Jennifer

• "There was the guy at REO Speedwagon who tried to convince me that he was the drummer for Creed, despite the fact that Creed was performing in Miami that very night. I've had the inconsiderate talker during the Cheap Trick concert, whose boyfriend thanked me when I asked her to please keep it down." - Laura

• "About halfway through the (Guns N' Roses) show, in the middle of a song, Axl stopped the show and he said (I'm paraphrasing) 'I'll be damned if I'm going to go through another nightmare like we had the other night. Shine the spotlight right down here, the third row.' Suddenly we had a spotlight aimed directly at my friend, myself and the whack job seated to our right. I thought we were about to be tossed out of the arena for God knows what. Axl continued, 'I've been watching you on the monitor backstage and listening to your (expletive) while I perform. I'm not going to let another (expletive) like you ruin it for the other paying fans. You're outta here.' They stood him up, cuffed him and hauled him out of the building. To have someone like Axl Rose toss out an annoying fan, you know the guy had to be a complete lunatic." - Mike

• "After a few songs, (Crosby Stills & Nash) began 49 Bye Byes, one of my favorite Stephen Stills songs. At that point most everyone sat down. I was up dancing and singing and the people behind me were bothered and asked me to move. Every place I moved was not good enough. I mean, it is a concert, not a DVD. I'm lovin' life, listening to a great song, dancing under the stars at Red Rocks. The guy behind me starts to get nasty and calls me an (expletive). I am trying not to buy into his negativity and stoop to his level of stupidity, so I ignore him. He finally throws his beer all over my back." - Kimberly

• "When I took my then-girlfriend, now-wife to Page/Plant in '98, an old chubby belly dancer (no joke) was sitting in front of us. As soon as the show started she stood on her chair and danced right in front of my wife so she couldn't see anything. I asked her to get off her chair and she said, "But there's vomit on the floor" to which I replied, "Then put your (expletive) shoes back on!" - Ryan

• "My wife and I had front-row (Bob Dylan) seats. As soon as the lights went down, a mass of people surged forward and stood at the barrier, leaving their own seats, meaning we had no choice but to stand also. When my wife went to sit down midway through, there was a guy in her seat, sitting on our jackets! When we asked him to move, he became very rude and started to mouth off about how many times he's been to see Dylan and how he had a bad hip, as if that gave him the luxury of sitting in a seat he hadn't paid for." - Iain

What's in your wallet?

Ticket prices are still going up, but not as steeply as in the past. Your choices on what to spend vary wildly this summer. What the top seats will set you back:

• The Police: $225, but auctions have pushed some seats to $660

• Stevie Nicks: $125, but the best seats have climbed to $210 via auctions

• Norah Jones $60, no auctions

• John Mayer: $55.50, no auctions

• Goo Goo Dolls: $45.50

• Sound Tribe Sector 9: $39.50

• Ozzfest: Free; fans will get tickets through various sponsors' Web sites

Rumors and hearsay

Long gone are the Summer of Stars days when an entire concert lineup would be announced in one fell swoop. With fan club presales, Internet leaks and a desire by promoters to get shows on sale early, few secrets exist anymore. Much of the year's schedule is out already, but here's some news:

WHAT'S NOT COMING:

• Dave Matthews Band - Fans have been scrutinizing the schedule to figure out where the Denver dates fit in. Here's the news: It doesn't. For the first time in years, DMB is skipping Denver despite some early holds at a couple different venues. Worse news? Next years Democratic National Convention kills out key Pepsi Center dates as well.

• Jimmy Buffett - Though where was talk of Buffett headlining a show at the new Dick's Sporting Goods Park, you won't see him till at least '08.

• American Idol - This year's charisma-challenged crew won't be through Denver either.

• Bruce Springsteen and Roger Waters - Both had Red Rocks penciled in; both found their erasers.

• Other notable names - Elton John is tied up in Las Vegas most of the year. Ricky Martin announced some dates sans Denver. Another bullet dodged. All quiet, unfortunately, on the Neil Young front.

WHAT'S COMING:

• Billy Joel - His mega-selling tour should hit the Pepsi Center between October and December.

• Genesis - By the time you read this the reunited trio may already have announced its October Denver date, going on sale April 28.

• Other notable names - Josh Grobin hits the Pepsi Center Aug. 29. Def Leppard and Styx are at Coors Amphitheatre on Sept. 9. Red Rocks sees Snow Patrol on July 30; 311 on Aug. 15; and Diana Krall on Aug. 27. Also coming: Modest Mouse, Tori Amos, The Cure, Wilco.

UP IN THE AIR:

• Smashing Pumpkins and Rage Against the Machine - Both reunited bands are testing the waters with festival shows before committing to any tour.

• High School Musical - It's done great numbers in other markets and might make its way here.

• Beyonce - The Destiny's Child diva announced then retracted an Aug. 22 Pepsi Center date.

• Pearl Jam - Seattle's finest has only Lollapalooza in Chicago on its schedule.

• Nine Inch Nails - Trent Reznor is overseas but probably will tour Year Zero here.

• Other notable names - Don Henley announced a new Eagles album would come out within 60-90 days. Watch for the disc in late June/early July; tour plans still uncertain. The Crowded House reunion is a natural for our market. Guns N' Roses still can't put out an album or a cohesive tour.

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