D'oh!-nuts on the house: Kwik-E-Mart rings up taste of 'Simpsons' in Denver

Alan Gathright, Rocky Mountain News

Published July 2, 2007 at midnight

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"D'oh!"

No, fans of the The Simpsons aren't hallucinating: That really is a "Kwik-E-Mart" at Third Avenue and Broadway in Denver.

In a promotion dubbed "life imitates Bart," 7-Eleven Inc. has transformed a dozen North American stores into Kwik-E-Marts, the fictional convenience store of cartoon infamy, to hype the July 27 opening of The Simpsons Movie.

Today the newborn Kwik-E-Mart was busier than a Friday night at Moe's Tavern as Simpsons fans young and old chomped pink "Sprinklicous" doughnuts and washed them down with Buzz Cola and Squishees, the cartoon show's slushy drink knockoff of Slurpees.

"Buzz Cola is amazing!" declared 12-year-old Danny Tomeny, of Plano, Texas, who made the pilgrimage with his Denver cousins.

"It should stay the Kwik-E-Mart — no more 7-Eleven," insisted Matthew Tomeny, 10, one of the Denver cousins.

Suddenly, the five boys buzzing on Simpsons-esque doughnuts, cola and Squishees were chanting "Quik?E?Mart! Quick?E?Mart!"

7-Eleven officials say the gimmick shows they can take a joke — and hopefully all the Simpsons devotees that come with it.

After all, the long-running TV cartoon version of Kwik-E-Mart lampooned 7-Eleven as a store where its thickly accented immigrant Indian owner — the beloved Apu Nahasapeemapetilon Jr., Ph.D. — sells rancid hot dogs, decade-old milk and artery-clogging snacks.

"Thank you, come again!" Apu dutifully ends every transaction — even armed robberies.

7-Eleven spokesman Mike McKenna said business was "significantly" increased at the Denver store, as fans made the pilgrimage to take snapshots of themselves with the life-sized figures of Apu, Marge and Homer Simpson, and Chief Clancy Wiggum.

"You've got a piece of American pop culture. It's a 19-year TV series and people have grown up on the series," McKenna said. 7-Eleven notes that the Simpsons' fan base — men, ages 18 to 34, and youngsters, ages six to 17 — mirrors the convenience chain's "core customers."

7-Eleven's other 6,400 stores will also be peddling Simpsons stuff that until now existed only on the TV town of Springfield: KrustyO's cereal and special edition's of Bart's favorite comic: "Radioactive Man."

Sorry, folks, there's no "Duff" beer — Homer Simpson's favorite swill. Amazingly, mature minds got involved and decided brewski clashed with the new flick's kid-friendly PG-13 rating.

Only Denver's shop — and 11 others — have been reclad with a cartoony bright-yellow facade, signs switched to "Kwik-E-Mart" and the welcoming slogan: "Thank You For Loitering. Please Come Again."

7-Eleven embraced the show's irreverent shtick with signs stating: "5 Minute Parking. Violators Will Be Executed" and "Today's Pastries at Tomorrow's Prices."

Michael Seller and his 9-year-old son, Levi, drove from Westminster to sip Squishees — the diet tangerine cup features Homer being chase by a pig.

"I got him hooked on The Simpsons years ago, because I got tired of watching "Sponge Bob," the dad said. "He's been a huge fan ever since."

"We own every season of the DVD so far," Levi said. "My favorite character is Homer."

The monthlong promotion has the Denver 7-Eleven, er, "Kwik-E-Mart" manager Leon Nemirovsky all but screaming "Cowabunga, dude!" with joy.

"We've got a bunch of people coming in and taking pictures with us and the life-sized cutouts of the Simpsons characters," said Leon in his native Ukrainian accent. "Our parking lot is packed."

Just like Apu, Leon and his colleagues are wearing lime green-and-blue smocks that fans are asking to buy.

While 7-Eleven officials stress that, humor aside, their stores are selling fresh, healthy food, Leon is staying in Kwik-E-Mart character.

Asked if he's selling well-aged (i.e. rank) hot dogs, Leon replies: "Yeah, we sell everything."

Other U.S. Kwik-E-Mart locations are in New York City; Chicago; Dallas; Burbank, Calif.; Los Angeles; Henderson, Nev.; Orlando, Fla.; Mountain View, Calif.; Seattle; and Bladensburg, Md.

The Associated Press contributed to this story.

gathrighta@RockyMountainNews.com or 303-954-5486

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