Parents' grief can last a lifetime

Tillie Fong, Rocky Mountain News

Friday, May 18, 2007

Parents who have lost children continue to grieve for years, according to an expert.

"A parent is a parent to the child that died for as long as the parent lives," said Geri Nelson, bereavement coordinator for Children's Hospital. "That's really important for people to understand because we live in a fast-moving society, and we expect people will heal quickly."

Wednesday, Elsha Guel collapsed after identifying the body of her 2-year-old son, Jose Matthew Jauregui Jr., who was found in the South Platte River. He had been swept away by a flash flood Monday while he and his mother were on a stroll along a bike path near Lakewood Gulch.

Nelson said it is important to let parents who have lost children grieve in their own way. She said some parents might sleep for months, while others might throw themselves into activities. "It's not a cut-and-dried process," she said.

Nelson said friends and family members can do a number of things to help a grieving parent.

"You have to have healthy memoralization," she said. "You can continue to recognize the child's life. You can allow the mother to talk about her child for years to come, not days."

"If someone dies when they're older, we miss them and we're sad. But it seems OK, because conventional wisdom says they have lived a good life," Nelson said. "But there seems to be a terrible injustice when a child dies. They haven't had a chance to live their life."

How to help

• A memorial fund for Jose Matthew Jauregui Jr. was set up Thursday. Checks can be made out to Baby Matthew Memorial Fund, c/o Key Bank, 2776 North Speer Blvd., Denver, CO 80211. Donations also can be dropped off at any Colorado Key Bank branch.

• For information on resources for bereaved parents at Children's Hospital, contact Geri Nelson at 303-861-6978 or e-mail her at nelson.geraldine@thden.org

• For local chapter information on The Compassionate Friends, visit tcfcolorado.org/