'I'm looking at this as my last hump'

Aggressive program salvaged relationship with wife, ex-con says

Sarah Huntley, Rocky Mountain News

Published February 9, 2005 at midnight

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He's a hardened criminal with a rap sheet to match.

But Thomas, a 40-year-old Lafayette man, says Boulder's enhanced treatment program has brought more peace to his life — and his home.

Thomas, who agreed to talk to the Rocky Mountain News if his last name was withheld, has been in the county's unique counseling program for nearly a year.

Unlike most people in his group, this is his first experience with domestic violence treatment. He's an ex-con whose lengthy record includes convictions for forgery, theft and drugs. He qualified for enhanced treatment because of previous domestic violence arrests in 1992 in a different jurisdiction that did not order counseling, he said.

"I'm a little seasoned. I've done six calendars in prison," he said. "All of those guys who were there (in enhanced treatment) when I started, not a damn one thought I was going to make it. They got the willies when I walked into the room."

His most recent conviction stemmed from an argument with his wife in July 2003 in their home.

Thomas told police he got angry because his wife was asking "50 questions," mostly about financial problems, so he threw a sandwich at her. A police report said he later told the officers that he hits his wife "on the head at times because she needs that and it keeps her in line."

Thomas' wife, Jan, told police her husband had broken a flower pot and tried to push her out the door, the report said.

After his arrest, however, Jan wrote repeatedly to the court, asking that he be allowed to return home. She told the judge she called the police department's nonemergency dispatch number not because she was scared but because she wanted to know where her husband could get counseling.

Thomas pleaded guilty to one count of criminal mischief in a deal that included evaluation for the enhanced treatment program.

Now he is approaching the end of his year in counseling and says his relationship has been salvaged by what he's learned.

"Thank God," he said, when asked if the couple have remained together. "The whole house clicks."

Jan said she has also noticed a difference in her husband and their exchanges. They both have learned, she said, to walk away when stress gets out of hand.

But like many women who reach out to police for help, she said she got more than she bargained for. A year of counseling took a financial toll on her family. And the court system, instead of boosting her, made her feel as powerless as she felt in her personal life.

"I wasn't at the point where I was in fear of my life or in fear of my kids' lives," she said in a recent interview. "I just wanted a wake-up call, and I got a little bit more than I was asking for."

She worries that the system is too focused on the extreme cases.

"It seems to me like there is a middle group that kind of gets lost in the shuffle," she said. "It can be very damaging. This is something that will be with our family forever."

Nonetheless, she said she believes the enhanced treatment will pay off "in the long run."

"It's refreshing for him, I know. He's able to go and put things out there," she said.

Thomas credits his success so far to the quality of the exchange within the group.

"The first core group of guys really had an impact on me," he said, explaining that they helped him rethink longheld beliefs. "They knocked me off my feet a couple of times. These guys are good."

He recalls one conversation, for example, in which he was expressing concerns about his young daughter and dating. One of the men pointed out that Thomas has three sons and had no similar interest in controlling their behavior.

"The way it processed in my brain, I realized there was a whole prejudice there. He threw me. He threw me good," Thomas said.

Thomas is optimistic the counseling will make a sustainable difference.

"I'm looking at this as my last hump," he said.

huntleys@RockyMountainNews.com or 303-892-5212

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