Heath: Ugh! Even cavemen padded their résumés

Published February 25, 2006 at midnight

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Résumé fluffers have been having a tough time of it lately. Radio Shack Chief Executive Officer David Edmondson was recently found to have fibbed about his education. (He said he had two bachelor's degrees when, in fact, he had none.) And it turns out that some low-level functionary who'd been censoring NASA scientists also whipped up a nonexistent college degree, demonstrating that he not only wasn't as smart as a NASA scientist, but he wasn't even as smart as the average low-level functionary. I really hope Oprah Winfrey owns Radio Shack stock. I'd love to see her give Edmondson the same shellacking she gave James Frey for lying about his credentials.

Ever since there have been credentials, people have been fudging them. Cavemen drew pictures of themselves slaying ferocious saber-toothed tigers, instead of the mild-mannered rodents they had actually bagged.

Knights claimed to have slain dragons; kings said they ruled by divine authority. From the prevaricators of yore to the liars of today, the only thing that's different is the background check.

As with so many business practices, the popularity of background checks can be traced to fear of lawsuits. Since businesses can be held liable for their employees' bad behavior while they're on the job, it's a good idea to check out criminal and driving records before hiring a potential liability. If a background check can keep a habitual drunken driver from behind the wheel of a school bus, I'm all for it.

But the checks get more challenging when you leave the realm of public records, so lies about credentials are easier to pull off. One big company in the background business found that more than a quarter of the résumés they examined had discrepancies about past employment. More than 8 percent had inaccurate education information.

I guess liars assume they'll get away with their whoppers, while the rest of us worry about being unjustly accused of something we didn't do. Every squeaky-clean citizen I've ever known whose employer requires a drug test has nightmares about it.

They've heard the stories about poppy seeds causing false positives, and obsessively scan their bagels for any stray black dots. David, a human-resources expert, prefers to think of pre-employment drug screening as an IQ test.

"We give people plenty of notice," he says. "If they can't manage to avoid drugs and poppy seeds for a few days, they're too dumb to work here."

My scrupulously honest friend, Kathy, worried for years that her educational credentials might be questioned and kept her framed degree handy, just in case. Strangely, Kathy has never received a single contribution request from her alma mater's alumni office, so she was afraid they'd lost her records.

A headhunter recently put her mind at ease, confirming that her résumé checked out. The young recruiter was kind enough to point out that the process took awhile because Kathy's records predated the university registrar's computer system. Some poor clerk there had to trudge down to the dusty cave where the microfiche files were stored to verify her claim. I'm sure Oprah would be pleased.

Erica Heath is a 20-year veteran of the corporate wars. Her e-mail address is ericaheath@aol.com.

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